More Than a Coach: The Many Ways I Support Families Through Collaborative Divorce
After 14 years as a Collaborative Divorce Coach the ways that I work with clients on their collaborative cases has expanded exponentially. Many couples are referred to me to discuss their decision about whether to use the collaborative process for their divorce. I educate couples on the value of collaborative divorce versus other modalities, including the obligation of full transparency, the ability to work with a team of professionals they can trust and the opportunity to work with a divorce coach to create a parenting plan that works best for their children. I remind them that no one knows their children better than the two of them and that they are the best individuals to create a shared parenting plan together.
In addition, I help couples understand that in the collaborative process they make their own decisions instead of a judge, or someone who knows nothing about their life, making decisions for them. I explain my role as a coach and discuss the possibility of bringing in a financial neutral to help with the financial aspects of their case and/or a child specialist, should we need one for a trained professional to meet with their children and give them a voice.
Couples that come for coaching, once they have decided to use the collaborative process, meet with me together for their first meeting and then they each have the opportunity to meet with me individually to be able to discuss their own version and perspective of their marriage and separation. This forum gives them a safe space to talk about their children and discuss their own plans for their lives moving forward, a big focus of my coaching.
Future visioning with individuals and couples throughout the process helps people look forward and raises awareness of how many events couples will share later as coparents and how important it is for them to be able to have an amicable relationship going forward.
Coparenting is another area in which I assist clients in honing their communication and skills so that they can create two healthy homes from one and provide continuity for their children, and amicability as a forum for their children to feel safe being in both of their presence.
My role includes facilitating team meetings with the professionals on each case – both attorneys, the financial neutral and often a meeting that often incudes the whole team and the clients. I create the agendas for the meetings and assure that the process is moving forward, and team members are collaborating throughout. I also schedule pre-brief meetings and de-brief meetings prior to a 5 -way meeting or 6 -way meeting with clients. I manage emotions of the clients throughout the process, in meetings and in between. I stress the importance of using collaborative language, which I have also written a blog about and educate and stress healthy communication.
As work product, I assist clients in crafting their shared parenting plan including a holiday schedule that works for them. We also discuss the creation of new holiday traditions that work for each to create new traditions.
I love my role as a divorce coach. I stress the importance of children first and each individual and their needs, wants, and interests being important throughout as well. I feel honored to help families and children have better lives post-divorce and create the futures they desire to have in their ongoing relationships with their children.
Written by Ann Kreindler-Siegel
