Calming the Nervous System and Avoiding the Freeze for Professionals In the Collaborative Divorce Meeting

All too often, clients will go “off the rails” temporarily during a Collaborative Divorce meeting.  What matters most during these moments, is how the professionals in the room react to these more difficult client moments. As humans, when we are in a situation of conflict, our nervous systems often go into a “Fight or Flight” response pattern followed by a “Freeze” response if we feel helpless as to how to react or respond.

Client “moments” often create the atmosphere of “high conflict” even in the Collaborative Divorce process and we need to know how to respond, not react, and not end up in a “Freeze” response and rendered helpless.

As a divorce coach and therapist for many years, I have learned to expect moments of conflict, threats of litigation, and empty threats one party or the other will take, and especially moments revisited by the couple of wounds from their marriage that have yet to be resolved.  Those situations are difficult, and navigating them as a team is vital. The role of the divorce coach is to lead the team through those difficult moments, allow the team to trust the “gut” of the divorce coach to allow the conflict, as it is often necessary to allow the couple to have closure and move forward. All too often there are things left unsaid by a separated couple and those issues tend to come out during our Collaborative Divorce meetings because they give the clients a safe space and forum to air their grievances with one another.

It is important that we not let these moments scare us.  Fear can cause reactivity that will shut these moments down, but if that happens it stops the productivity of what those situations allow.  The ability of clients to feel safe to express themselves and their frustrations during the Collaborative Divorce process is key to closure for all parties.  It also allows us, as a team, to see the whole picture and staying calm during those moments is instrumental to the process.

A good divorce coach knows when to let these moments happen and when to call a “time out.”  Trust within the team will allow for this flow and can be a turning point for the process to move forward to completion.  Any Collaborative Divorce meeting without a skilled divorce coach has the risk of these situations derailing the process and can also leave the team members feeling depleted, exasperated, and unsure of what’s next.  A full team makes all the difference in the world for these cases and the prebrief meeting and debrief meeting as integral parts to these 5- or 6-way meetings will always allow for the most potential for successful Collaborative Divorce cases and conclusions.

Ann Kreindler-Siegel, LCSW, MSW, MAEd, SEP, BCC is a somatic experiencing psychotherapist & board-certified coach who specializes in collaborative divorce coaching. She has been practicing in the profession of psychotherapy for over 25 years and has increased her practice to provide divorce coaching to couples to support them through this transition in their lives and families.

COLLABORATIVE COMMUNICATION AND COPARENTING WITH A COUPLE IN CONFLICT

Separating couples oftentimes conflict with each other about parenting techniques and have different parenting styles.  This conflict often gets in the way of healthy co-parenting and, in the end, only hurts the child they brought into the world. In addition, old wounds from the marriage continue to come out in the conflict, creating a hostile environment, as partners are often not able to move on and see each other as co-parents rather than ex-partners.

Communication difficulties are at the heart of separation and divorce.  They are a primary reason people struggle in relationships and a reason they have conflict in the first place.  Teaching healthy communication to couples as they go through the separation process is vitally imperative to allowing for healthy co-parenting going forward.  Without addressing communication styles and teaching new skills, people have no way of changing the way they approach situations so that there can be a different outcome.

Most couples in conflict tend to blame, accuse, look for what the other person is doing wrong, and leave the receiver on the defensive trying to explain why they acted the ways that they did.  This style of communication is not only unhealthy, it is also completely unproductive and leads to more conflict, not less.  Instead, reminding people that they are in this process of working together as a team to raise healthy humans is key to helping them change this pattern.  Using gentle reminders of their best moments with their child, reminding them that they were married and created this child together, and helping them see a way out of conflict to a better pattern is one of the most helpful ways we can coach a couple to success.  Most of all, it also allows for much healthier children to grow into healthy adults, even when they come from a divorced family.  Using techniques such as future visioning and helping parents see that they want to achieve as parents, including when they attend future events for the children, and that they will benefit from making decisions together, are some of the ways that we can improve these relationships going forward.  Given that Collaborative Divorce is aimed at collaborative relationships, addressing new healthy patterns of communication will allow for a more collaborative journey going forward.

Ann Kreindler-Siegel, LCSW, MSW, MAEd, SEP, BCC is a somatic experiencing psychotherapist & board certified coach who specializes in collaborative divorce coaching. She has been practicing in the profession of psychotherapy for over 25 years and has increased her practice to provide divorce coaching to couples to support them through this transition in their lives and families.

Using Collaborative Language

Transitioning to the use of collaborative language is one of the hardest adjustments with which divorcing couples struggle, yet doing so is one of the most important aspects of healthy co-parenting and healthy uncoupling.  While legal language has been widely used for many years, it is both a difficult and recommended change for professionals and individuals.

Terms such as the “kids’ time” versus “my time,” “your time,” “mom’s time,” or “dad’s time,” are widely used interchangeably, and yet the focus should always be on the children when a couple that is separating or divorcing is trying to co-parent their children.  In addition, the terms “shared parenting” and “parenting time” are now much more accepted than “custody,” just like “spousal support” is more widely accepted over the term “alimony.”  Transitioning to the use of more appropriate language is something we all struggle with, yet so many attorneys and financial neutrals often use old terminology depicting a legal and adversarial approach rather than a collaborative one. There is still a need for using legal language, where the binding legal documents are concerned, though in discussions with clients, warmer language helps to soften the conversation and often allows for more amicable settlement terms.

In 5-way or 6-way Collaborative Divorce meetings, it is important to set ground rules and those ground rules should incorporate more appropriate language.  Additionally, it is important to help people set healthy boundaries when discussing the issues to be resolved, while also encouraging them to listen to the other person’s perspective.  Oftentimes people regularly interrupt each other in meetings, and it is important to encourage open listening instead.

Healthy communication is key for divorcing and separating couples in the transition.  Without the use of healthy language, couples often end up repeating the same conflicts and unhealthy patterns they engaged in throughout their marriage.  As a divorce coach, my primary focus teaching couples to engage in productive settlement discussions, focus on a “getting to yes” approach of discussing interests rather than positions, and learn to allow both parties to be heard, respected, and feel settled with the outcome.  Collaborative Divorce is a process of working together to allow the best outcomes for couples, individuals, and especially children of divorced parents.  The more we focus on language that makes the children the primary focus and respect to the other person, the easier moving forward will be for everyone.

Ann Kreindler-Siegel, LCSW, MSW, MAEd, SEP, BCC is a somatic experiencing psychotherapist & board certified coach who specializes in Collaborative Divorce coaching. She has been practicing in the profession of psychotherapy for over 25 years and has expanded her practice to provide divorce coaching to couples to support them through this transition in their lives and families.

Embracing Harmony: The Positive Aspects of Collaborative Family Law

In the realm of family law, collaborative divorce emerges as a beacon of hope, fostering respect, transparency, peace, customization, and privacy. Unlike traditional divorce proceedings, the collaborative approach involves the entire family, aiming for a smoother transition during a challenging time.

Respect becomes the cornerstone of collaborative family law, as it encourages open communication and understanding. Couples, with the assistance of trained professionals, work together to find solutions that consider the needs and perspectives of each family member. This emphasis on mutual respect sets the stage for a more amicable separation.

Transparency is another key element, dismantling the walls of secrecy that often surround conventional divorce. Through open and honest communication, parties involved gain a deeper understanding of each other’s concerns and aspirations, creating a foundation for constructive dialogue.

The pursuit of peace is a central theme in collaborative divorce, steering away from the adversarial nature of traditional legal battles. By choosing collaboration, families opt for a path that prioritizes harmony over contention, fostering an environment conducive to finding mutually beneficial resolutions.

Customization is a unique advantage of collaborative family law, allowing families to tailor solutions to their specific needs and circumstances. This personalized approach ensures that the divorce settlement is not a one-size-fits-all solution but a bespoke agreement that reflects the family’s values and priorities.

Privacy becomes paramount in collaborative divorce, offering a confidential and discreet space for families to navigate the complexities of separation. This stands in stark contrast to public court proceedings, safeguarding the family’s intimate details from unnecessary exposure.

Neutrals play a crucial role in the collaborative process, bringing expertise and guidance to facilitate smooth discussion. A divorce coach helps manage emotions, a financial neutral ensures a fair financial resolution, and a child specialist focuses on the well-being of the children involved. These professionals contribute to a comprehensive and holistic approach, addressing the multifaceted aspects of divorce.

In conclusion, collaborative family law is not just a method; it’s a philosophy that transforms the divorce process into a constructive and compassionate journey. By embracing respect, transparency, peace, customization, and privacy, collaborative divorce stands as the better way—a pathway for families to navigate transitions with dignity and understanding.

Rachel D. Rogers Hamrick is an attorney and owner of Cavanaugh Hamrick & McCarthy in Charlotte, North Carolina. She has exclusively practiced family law for almost a decade, is a North Carolina Family Financial Mediator, Parenting Coordinator, and has been practicing Collaborative since 2017.

The Value Of Adding A Coach To Your Collaborative Divorce Team

THE VALUE OF ADDING A COACH TO YOUR COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE TEAM

By: Ann Kreindler-Siegel,, LCSW, BCC, PLLC

When couples divorce, they often engage the services of attorneys before seeking any other professional to help guide them through the process. Attorneys are necessary for the legal aspects of the divorce. In addition, attorneys need to draft any legal agreements that are made, as couples transition from a married couple in one home to leading separate lives.

What most attorneys and couples do not recognize is the value of adding a coach to the collaborative divorce team. Attorneys are trained in the law. They are not specifically trained in communication, especially healthy communication techniques, that couples need throughout the process of their separation and divorce. In addition, the skills of a well-trained, and seasoned coach help couples going through this process not only communicate more smoothly but also much more effectively. A coach can be invaluable for helping couples learn to negotiate options for what they each would like to see as an outcome, create shared parenting agreements and holiday schedules, and work with the many emotions that may arise throughout the process.

Most couples that do not engage the services of a coach believe that adding a collaborative divorce coach will add unnecessary expenses to the process. Divorce can be a costly process; however, the reality is that adding a coach saves money throughout the process, as most issues are more efficiently and smoothly dealt with when a coach is added to the team. In addition, it is easier for a couple to remain amicable, even post-divorce when they have worked with a coach. While working with a coach, couples learn new skills such as how to draft appropriate emails, how to communicate and interact going forward after the initial separation how to tell the minor, or adult children about the divorce, and how to rebuild their lives individually and as two families created from one.

A coach also offers an opportunity for couples to experience lasting closure in the divorce process. Couples I have worked with report a much less burdensome transition post-separation than they expected, and that they move forward into the next chapter with more ease and confidence. The goal of Collaborative divorce is to amicably come to agreements that allow both individuals, and any children involved, to feel more settled during, and long after the separation and divorce. Why would that not be a gift during a time in peoples’ lives that is so difficult?

Ann Kreindler-Siegel, LCSW, BCC, PLLC, has been a couples and divorce coach for 14 years and works with couples every day and has throughout her practice.  She has been a psychotherapist in private practice for 39 years and a trained divorce coach since 2010.  She is board certified, collaboratively trained, and has worked with couples to ease the burdens of this process, help them get their needs and wants met, creatively draft shared parenting agreements, and also improve communication.  In addition, she is trained as a somatic experiencing practitioner to help settle anxiety, which is, of course, a normal response to separation and divorce.

How Do We Finalize the Divorce If We Settle In The Collaborative Process?

Although Collaborative Divorce settlements occur in private, certain contacts with the courts are permitted.  Additionally, some issues may only be resolved with the court’s assistance.  For example, some people think once they have signed a Separation Agreement that they are divorced.  This is not true.  In North Carolina, only a court can finalize the divorce and the parties are permitted to file for a divorce, even in a Collaborative case.  The parties may also need a court order to distribute retirement assets.  That, too, will require the court to enter the appropriate order.  What is important to know is that these contacts with the court do not need to be battles.  Rather, an experienced Collaborative attorney can help to make these contacts with the court as stress-free and quick as possible.

Heidi Risser has years of experience handling such matters for her clients.  Contact Heidi Risser today at 704.447.7547 or Heidi@RisserLaw.com.

What happens in Collaborative Divorce meetings?

By Dan Lewis

Collaborative Divorce meetings are the key component of the Collaborative process as this is the venue for discussing settlement options. However, a lot of work is done to prepare for them so they are as productive as possible. Meetings include the participants and their attorneys, as well as third party professionals if needed, such as a financial professional or mental health professional. During meetings, you and your team will follow an agenda prepared in advance by the attorneys.

After the initial meeting where introductions are made and the Collaborative Divorce Participation Agreement is executed, the issues to be discussed in subsequent meetings will vary based on the issues that need to be addressed in a particular case. For example, if the parties need to address the distribution of assets and debts, then they will first exchange relevant documents guided by the attorneys. Once documents have been exchanged, the team meeting will focus on questions related to any assets and debts in order to arrive at a consensus as to values and balances. Additionally, there will be a discussion of each party’s interests with respect to any items, such as what will happen with the marital home, and the team will brainstorm options for settlement. Depending on the time it will take to discuss each issue, the team may also discuss support (alimony and/or child support).

Additional information about Collaborative Divorce meetings:

Meetings are typically scheduled for no more than 2 hours at a time;

Meeting locations varies, but are typically held at the attorney’s office (alternating locations);

Dress comfortably;

Be prepared. If you are tasked to bring any information or documents with you or to think about settlement options in advance, then be ready to share at the meeting;

Let your attorney know of any recent issues that have arisen and that need to be discussed; and

Know that you may always step outside and speak privately with your attorney during a team meeting.

Dan Lewis is a partner with Tin Fulton Walker & Owen, PLLC, in Charlotte, North Carolina.  He has exclusively practiced family law since 2005, is a North Carolina Certified Family Financial Mediator, and has been practicing Collaborative law since 2009.

Your Marriage Has Just Reached the Breaking Point

by Kate Culligan, LMFT

Your spouse has just arrived home and now there is the typical tension in the air. Later a verbal fight begins over the usual topics, but something is different about tonight. Instead of threats of divorce, your spouse indicates clearly that a family lawyer will likely be consulted next week. Divorce is your new reality. Your heart begins to race and your mind is flooded with fear and anger. You ask yourself, “What happens now? What do I do? How can I protect myself? I never thought it would go quite this far.”

You know you need help and information as soon as possible. In your agitated state, you’re not sure about the difference between consulting a lawyer and retaining a lawyer. Consulting a lawyer involves gathering pertinent information and paying a professional fee to obtain legal advice. Retaining a lawyer to represent you in a divorce usually involves signing a specific legal agreement stating the details of the representation and paying a retainer to the chosen lawyer. There are many family lawyers from which to choose. First, choose your preferred method!

What method will you use? Anger and fear cause many people to immediately think of retaining a family lawyer with an aggressive reputation as a litigator. Now it’s war! If you do not let anger control your choice, your long-term best interests can help direct you on a rational path forward. You can opt for a lawyer who is a skilled negotiator. Both you and your lawyer can still be strong advocates. Often upon reflection, divorcing couples would at least like to maintain a civil relationship in public after the divorce is final. If you have children that you need to raise together, setting a tone of civil communication with your ex-spouse is imperative for successful co-parenting and the wellbeing of your children.

Many couples who decide they want to maintain privacy, de-escalate conflict, preserve assets, and actively negotiate a divorce agreement by discussing and choosing settlement options, choose Collaborative Divorce as the preferred method. Your first step is to consult with an established Collaborative family lawyer to learn about your options. Collaborative Divorce has been practiced since the early 1990s and exists in all 50 states and 25 countries. Yet, many Americans have never heard of it. It may be new to you, but Collaborative Divorce is 30 years old.

When you look for a Collaborative family lawyer, make sure that the lawyer has specific Collaborative Divorce training and significant experience over time with a fair number of cases. Your Collaborative lawyer will likely offer you the names of other Collaborative lawyers with whom your spouse may consult. Your individual lawyers will be your respective advocates and confidential advisors, and they will also assist each of you to discuss settlement options and reach an acceptable agreement. Sometimes financial specialists and mental health professionals will be part of the Collaborative team that will help you both reach an acceptable agreement and move into the next phase of your life. Your first step is consulting a Collaborative Family Lawyer!

Kate Culligan, a mental health professional for 30 years, has been a Coach and Facilitator on Collaborative Divorce teams since 2005 and has assisted more than 100 couples to move successfully through the Collaborative process. She also maintains a private psychotherapy practice in Charlotte. For information, please contact her at 704-246-5775 or kculligantherapist@gmail.com

What documents result from a resolution reached in the collaborative process?

By Lindsey Dasher

A Separation Agreement is the main document that results from a resolution reached in the collaborative process. Additionally, a Consent Order for Child Custody and Child Support and/or a Qualified Domestic Relations Order (used to divide and distribute retirement funds held in certain qualified retirement accounts) may also result from the collaborative divorce process.

A Separation Agreement is a legally binding contract between two spouses who are living separately and apart or who plan to separate immediately after executing the Separation Agreement. The purpose of a Separation Agreement is to address and fully resolve all of the existing marital legal issues prior to divorce. A Separation Agreement disentangles your joint finances, distributes your property, assets, and debts, and defines your legal obligations post-separation.

What can be included in a Separation Agreement?

A Separation Agreement may address the following issues: Property Settlement, Spousal Support/Alimony (or waiver of the same), Child Support, and Child Custody. Property Settlement, or the division of the marital estate, details and distributes all of the assets and debts acquired during the marriage, which can include:

• the former marital residence and/or other real property,

• vehicles,

• marital debt (mortgage(s), credit cards, loans, etc.),

• bank accounts,

• stocks and bonds,

• retirement accounts,

• household goods and personal property, and

• business interests and/or ownership.

When dividing the marital estate, there is a general presumption that it is equitable to equally divide all assets and debts acquired over the course of the marriage. A Separation Agreement can also detail what tax filing status you and your spouse will claim after separation, who is responsible for tax liabilities or refunds (or how they will be divided), and which parent claims dependent children on taxes. Additionally, a Free Trader Agreement is typically included, which allows you to buy or sell real property titled in your sole name without requiring your spouse’s signature or consent. Separation Agreements also typically include a waiver of your right to inherit from your spouse or contest his or her will, and a waiver of any obligation to pay the other party’s uninsured medical bills or other “necessaries,” among other things.

Lindsey Dasher is a Fort Mill, South Carolina native who chose to return to this area after law school in order to help the people she has known since childhood. Initially, she chose to practice family law because she knew she wanted to help families in conflict. After years of litigating highly contentious family court cases, she realized that the best way to resolve conflict is not by creating more conflict.

History of the Charlotte Collaborative Divorce Professionals

by Eric Trosch

The Charlotte Collaborative Divorce Professionals’ origins grew from a local effort to codify one of the first collaborative law statutes in the nation when an ad hoc committee through the Family Law Section of the State Bar was established in 2000. This ad hoc committee’s push ultimately led North Carolina to become the second state to enact a Collaborative Law statute in 2003.

With the enactment of the statute, the ad hoc committee quickly transformed its focus from legislation to the promotion of the Collaborative Divorce process in the Charlotte metropolitan area with the formation of the Mecklenburg County Collaborative Law Practice Group. By the end of 2003, the group’s membership grew to over 36 lawyers. Shortly thereafter, the group began to add critical non-attorney members, such as divorce coaches and financial neutrals, to provide specialized non-legal expert advice in an effort to assist couples going through a divorce. Since then, the Group has added Child Specialists to assist families with issues related to the children of divorcing families.

Throughout its existence, the Group has been active in promoting a dignified, non-adversarial alternative to the traditional adversarial Divorce approaches. The Group’s members have spoken to local religious institutions, mental health providers, as well as other organizations to educate and reach the broader Charlotte Community on the advantages to Collaborative Divorce.

Now approximately twenty years later, the Group continues to grow to meet the needs of families going through a divorce. The Group meets throughout the year for substantive training so that its members keep abreast on current issues related to Collaborative Divorce and sharpen their skills. Although the Group changed its name in 2016 to the Charlotte Collaborative Divorce Professionals, it continues to educate and promote Collaborative Divorce as a better and more effective process to reaching long-lasting resolutions for divorcing families.

As a family lawyer, Eric Trosch believes that trust and honesty are two of the most important qualities.  I also believe in the importance of pursuing collaborative law whenever possible. There are many situations where it makes more sense for a client going through the painful process of a divorce, and all of the negotiations that it entails, to utilize a collaborative approach with his/her spouse/partner and make these decisions outside of court. This helps to alleviate the incredible stress that is already present in such family transitions.

Is a Collaborative Divorce legally binding?

Yes.  Collaborative Divorce is as legally binding as going through the court system.

A common misconception about divorce is that going to court and getting a court order is the only way to have legally binding documents.  This isn’t true. Divorce is never easy.  But you can do it in a way that doesn’t destroy your family or your finances.

Collaborative Divorce allows you to reach a dignified divorce resolution without a courtroom. You get to sit down as civilized adults and work out the details of a settlement with a team of qualified professionals. This can assist you and your family avoid the trauma often associated with the litigation approach.   The focus is on respectfully ending a marriage and restructuring a family.  It’s less stressful, often less expensive, and less time-consuming than traditional divorce.

You have a lawyer specifically trained in Collaborative Divorce, and your former spouse chooses one as well. The role of the Collaborative Divorce lawyer is to provide legal advice, assist with settlement discussions, and help you understand your rights and options.

A Collaborative Lawyer helps you clarify and express your goals and interests throughout the process. They will also analyze options with you so that you fully understand the benefits and limitations. This method gives you more control over the divorce process and the outcome.  It is also, usually faster and more cost-effective than the judicial process, which can stretch out for months or even years. Once you agree on an acceptable resolution, the attorneys prepare the final settlement documents.

What documents come out of the Collaborative Divorce process?

Once you come to an agreement, your settlement documents may include:

• a consent order for child custody and child support arrangements, which is signed by a Judge

• a private, confidential, and legally-binding settlement agreement for the division of property (assets and debts), and spousal support, if applicable,

• and a “friendly action” lawsuit to file for divorce and entry of a consent order, if applicable.

Resolution through collaboration will give you more control over the language used in these documents.  But the documents will either be notarized or entered by the Court to make them legally binding.

Are the agreements reached in the Collaborative Divorce process enforceable?
After the documents are signed, they become legally binding and enforceable.

If you or your former spouse do not live up to the obligations in the collaborative settlement agreement, there are clear steps to resolution laid out in the agreement. This may include a return to the Collaborative Divorce process, mediation, arbitration, or a Motion for Contempt. That may seem surprising if you didn’t go to court in the first place, but a settlement agreement is taken seriously whether it is a result of collaboration, mediation, or litigation.

Collaborative divorce lawyers are trained in approaching the process differently. They focus on communicating in good faith and include other professionals’ insights. The process may look a little bit different than other divorces, but the documentation of the outcome is the same and just as formal and binding. If you are going through a divorce, consider the Collaborative Divorce process. It will give you more control over your and your family’s future.

About Claire Samuels

Claire Samuels is the founder of Claire Samuels Law, PLLC – a family law and divorce mediation firm in Charlotte, NC.  After litigating high conflict cases for over a decade, Claire started her firm with the idea of being a “peaceful warrior” and offering her clients A Becoming Divorce.  A holistic approach to divorce that provides advocacy aligned with core values, empowers clients to make decisions from a place of strength, promotes healing and minimizes trauma.

Claire understood the fear and uncertainty inherent in most divorce cases and knew her clients needed more than just expert legal advice. So, she pulled together a powerhouse group of women dedicated to supporting her clients throughout the process and beyond.  Claire and her Curated Community work with clients and show them how they can use their divorce as a catalyst for transformation and create a solid foundation to start their best life.

How Collaborative Differs from Pro Se Mediation

By Robin M. Mermans

Collaborative Divorce and pro se mediation methods are increasing in popularity. It’s for good reason too, as more divorcing couples look to preserve relationships and customize their settlements while reducing conflict. While these 2 options have some similarities, they are different and can determine the course of your divorce.

Representation

Collaborative: Each spouse hires their own collaborative divorce attorney. These attorneys represent each client’s individual best interests.

Pro Se Mediation: A mediator can be an attorney or non-attorney. Either way, the mediator serves as a neutral third-party and does not represent either party.

Legal advice

Collaborative: An attorney is able to provide valuable legal advice while guiding clients through important information.

Pro Se Mediation: A mediator can provide information throughout the divorce, but they’re ethically prohibited from providing legal advice to either party.

Balance of power

Collaborative: Maintaining a fair balance of power throughout a divorce can be a challenge. When there’s an imbalance of power, a collaborative divorce attorney can step in and help to effectively equalize and diffuse the situation.

Pro Se Mediation: A mediator serves as a peacekeeper and facilitator. If there is an imbalance of power, they use mediation and conflict resolution tactics to guide the couple through disagreement.

Legal documents

Collaborative: A collaborative attorney can draft all of the legal documents needed throughout the divorce process. In addition to filing the divorce, collaborative attorneys can also draft prenuptial, postnuptial, separation, and custody agreements.

Pro Se Mediation: As a neutral party, a mediator is ethically prohibited from drafting the legal documents required to make the negotiated agreement between the parties legally binding. Instead, the mediator drafts what is called a mediation summary or memorandum of understanding. One party then takes this summary/memorandum to an attorney, who will prepare the legally binding document(s).

Professional support

Collaborative: With a collaborative divorce, there are a number of collaboratively trained professionals available to support clients, either individually or together, during the divorce process. This often includes financial experts, child custody specialists, mediators, and/or coaches.

Pro Se Mediation: In conventional divorce mediation, couples generally work with one mediator.

Negotiation assistance

Collaborative: Collaborative Divorce participants receive assistance in negotiating their divorce, no matter where they are in the process.

Pro Se Mediation: In mediation, professional mediators help guide the divorce negotiations, but they are prohibited from legally assisting or providing direct advice to either party involved in the divorce.

If you’re looking for someone to serve as a legal advocate, who solely represents you and your best interests, Collaborative Divorce may be the better option for you. Collaborative Divorce attorneys will work to create a positive and supportive atmosphere for you and your spouse. The goal of Collaborative Divorce is to reach a fair and balanced resolution without the threat of future litigation. An agreement is reached where both spouses have direct input and control in the outcome, rather than fighting through litigation where there is little to no control. Collaborative Divorce is widely recognized as a respectful approach with long-lasting mutual benefits. When you engage the help of a collaborative divorce attorney, you’ll have access to legal support and additional resources specific to your personal needs.

I’m a collaborative divorce attorney and certified mediator. My journey in this industry began when I experienced divorce first-hand through litigation. After realizing the excessive stress that it caused my children, my ex-husband, and myself, I knew there had to be a better process. Inspired to help others, I founded ROAD to RESOLUTION as a non-attorney mediator. I later earned a Juris Doctor, passed the North Carolina Bar, and became a Collaborative Divorce attorney as a way to offer a full range of services to my clients. I believe that hiring an attorney with experience in both collaborative law and mediation is beneficial, no matter which method you end up choosing.

Interested in learning more about collaborative divorce?

If you have specific questions about how a Collaborative Divorce might work in your unique situation, please don’t hesitate to give ROAD to RESOLUTION a call at (980) 260-1600. Our Charlotte-based team of legal experts is ready to help you. Our mission is to offer support and guidance to you and your family.

(Note: This blog is intended to be informational only and shall not be construed as legal advice. For more information, please contact www.ROADtoRESOLUTION.com.)

Top Five Advantages of Collaborative DIVORCE

By Lindsey S. Dasher

You may hear the word “divorce” and think of mudslinging or being grilled by an attorney while you’re on the witness stand, but collaborative law is so different. As alluded to in the name, collaborative divorce means the spouses and their attorneys collaborate. They work together as a team to separate assets and reach a resolution on difficult issues like parenting time, child support, alimony, and the like. The collaborative process is completely voluntary but has proven very successful in keeping cases out of court, former spouses civil, and family finances in better shape. Here are five advantages of engaging in the collaborative divorce process:

LESS CONFLICT

Divorce is hard. There’s no getting around that. But divorce can be much harder on you mentally, emotionally, and financially if you and your spouse are going back and forth in court. In the collaborative process, both spouses agree beforehand, in a legally binding contract, that they will commit to resolving their domestic issues outside of the courtroom. When the spouses share that same goal, they’re often more committed to working through disagreements and getting issues resolved. Instead of being a team in marriage, they become a team in a different game.

MORE PRIVACY

Court files are public records. Anyone can go to the file room at their respective county courthouse and look at the most intimate details of a family’s breakup. Was there a cheating spouse? You’ll probably read all about it in the filings. Did a spouse gamble away all the marital assets? That will be in there, too. If you’re considering divorce, airing your most intimate struggles in open court only adds insult to injury. Maybe you just don’t want anyone to know why your marriage is ending. Maybe you don’t want anyone to know the balance of your retirement accounts. Whatever your reason, a collaborative divorce allows you to keep most of your private details out of the public record. There is no recorded testimony, no public accusations – just an agreement between two spouses on how their marriage will end. If spouses successfully complete the collaborative divorce process, the only public record could be that of the legal divorce itself.

LIKE-MINDED SUPPORT

Collaborative divorce attorneys are specifically trained in the collaborative process. However, most of us are not trained in child psychology or wealth and capital management. The great news is that if you are committed to the collaborative divorce process and you need an expert to help you figure out, for example, what parenting arrangement works best for the children, there are child specialists, financial planners, and divorce coaches who are also committed to the collaborative process. They can work together with both spouses (or one-on-one) to find a resolution to a specific issue. These professionals are an excellent resource that can help give you more peace of mind knowing they share your same goal – a peaceful resolution.

STREAMLINED PROCESS

The goal of the collaborative process is to resolve domestic issues as amicably and efficiently as possible. If both sides are following through with their commitment, both spouses and their attorneys are sharing all the necessary documents in a timely manner, there is open communication, and additional professional help can be attained easily by adding trained professionals to the collaborative team. This process eliminates what you often see in litigation: attorneys sometimes repeatedly asking for documents, subpoenas being issued to get more information, each side looking for their own expert witnesses to support their case, and so on. Collaborative divorce streamlines the process so that you can resolve your divorce amicably, efficiently, and equitably, and you can move forward with the next steps of your new life.

COST-EFFECTIVE APPROACH*

I’m always leery when I see the * after a sentence. It means there’s a “but” coming. Let me first say that a collaborative divorce is generally more cost-effective than litigation. When you have both sides working toward a resolution, they spend less time fighting. The caveat is—you and your spouse play a role in the final cost. If you work together, you will keep costs down. But if you start the collaborative divorce process and start having difficulties, your attorneys will have to walk you through those issues, which could mean a higher overall cost.

If you’re facing a divorce, there is hope that you can divorce differently. Collaborative divorce is an ideal fit for many families.

Lindsey Dasher is a Fort Mill, South Carolina native who chose to return to this area after law school in order to help the people she has known since childhood. Initially, she chose to practice family law because she knew she wanted to help families in conflict. After years of litigating highly contentious family court cases, she realized that the best way to resolve conflict is not by creating more conflict. She believes wholeheartedly that resolving conflict collaboratively or through mediation is the best thing that two people who are struggling through the pain and heartache of a divorce can do for themselves and for their children.

Gathering Documents and Information – Collaborative Divorce v. Court

By Eric Trosch

In Collaborative Divorce, the process of gathering information is streamlined and simplified. Collaborative Divorce uses informal discovery, such as the voluntary exchange of financial information, and relies on neutral experts such as tax advisors, financial planners, appraisers, child specialists, and divorce coaches. In Collaborative Divorce, all team members sign a contract, to be honest with the others involved in the process and to not hide the ball.

In most cases, the team members will discuss what types of documents they will want to exchange prior to the first or second four-way meeting. Then they will exchange these documents very early in the case. The purpose of this information gathering is so everyone is on the same page and has the same knowledge of the family’s finances. In the Collaborative Law Participation Agreement, there is a requirement to give full disclosure to all those involved. This obligation to be honest with one another applies to the clients, the experts, and even the lawyers. Not only is lying forbidden, but also lies of omission are not allowed, and everyone is required to proactively disclose all relevant information (such as all assets, debts, and income) to all involved.

In the event that one of the parties, called “participants,” refuses to comply with this disclosure, then that participant’s lawyer is obligated to withdraw from the case. Since everyone is aware of this obligation on the front end, it is rare that this comes into play.

Because everyone involved in the Collaborative Divorce process has contractually agreed to fully disclose everything to the others in the process, the lawyers and experts only ask for what they really need to analyze the finances and not “extra” information to harass, annoy or run up the costs for the other client. If after the first round of information and document gathering anyone needs more information, then either participant can ask for this information at any time and more will be provided.

The purpose of the informal information gathering is to allow everyone to be on the same playing field and educated on the finances so they will be comfortable to be able to ultimately settle the matter. This voluntary exchange of information is of great benefit to the process, resulting in a faster, often less expensive, and more equitable divorce than the typical result in court.

In litigation (the court process) Discovery is a formal process where the attorneys attempt to learn as much about the facts of your case as possible. Through a variety of methods, both lawyers will formally request information from you, your spouse, and potential witnesses in your case. This formal discovery process can be very lengthy costly and oftentimes uncomfortable for the participants. The parties will exchange formal requests such as the following:

Requests for production of documents, asking that certain documents be provided by you or your spouse;

Requests for admissions, asking that certain facts be admitted or denied;

Subpoena documents; and

Depositions in which questions are asked and answered in the presence of a court reporter, but outside of the presence of a judge.

Often times the requesting party asks for far more than they really need, such as years of documents or extremely broad questions either out of fear the other party is hiding something or sometimes just to require their spouse to have to run up extra legal fees, be embarrassed, or make them waste their time. The process of drafting this discovery can be very time-consuming and normally will not be submitted to the other side until months after you first meet with your attorney.

In Court, after each request is received, the responding person has 30 days, which can be extended to 60 days easily, to respond. Sometimes parties will request even more time to respond which delays the progress of your case. The responses are craftily written by the attorneys often with the intent to hide documents and information from the requesting party. Then the requesting party often will have to try to force the responding party to respond by having a hearing called a motion to compel.

The discovery process is a layered one where once one side gets documents and answers to written questions and then may ask the other side for a deposition. Then the lawyer may subpoena the other side’s documentation directly from the bank or other companies/ people that may have the documents. The whole process is more like an investigation and feels like an interrogation of the other side and their friends, family, and colleagues.

After all of this process is completed and months, if not years, pass, the litigants still will not ever really know if there is something else out there. The lawyers in the court case are not allowed to directly lie, but if for some reason the exact right question is not asked, then the lawyer is not obligated to disclose the information. This often creates doubts in the litigants’ and lawyers’ minds, leading to overly broad questions digging deeper into issues and making it much more difficult to settle the case. Most clients despise this formal discovery process, because, in the end, the formal discovery process is not set up for speed or cost-effectiveness, causes lots of insecurity, and oftentimes leads to unsatisfactory results.

Eric Trosch believes, as a family lawyer, that trust and honesty are two of the most important qualities.  I also believe in the importance of pursuing collaborative law whenever possible. There are many situations where it makes more sense for a client going through the painful process of a divorce, and all of the negotiations that it entails, to utilize a collaborative approach with his/her spouse/partner and make these decisions outside of court. This helps to alleviate the incredible stress that is already present in such family transitions.

Collaborative Agreement and No Court?

By Heidi S. Risser

Question: 
If my spouse and I sign a collaborative agreement not to go to court, how do we get divorced?

Answer: 
The collaborative agreement, which is signed by each party and their attorneys, should explain that necessary interactions with the court are not precluded by signing the collaborative agreement.  Even after a case has been settled, certain contacts with the court are required in North Carolina.  Two examples are: (1) obtaining a divorce, and (2) filing a “friendly” action requesting that the court divide retirement assets through a Qualified Domestic Relations Order.  If a court order is being used to settle the issues of child support and/or child custody, or any other issues, then those settlement terms would be included in a consent order and signed by a judge.  Your collaborative attorney(s) will know how to handle these matters without having hearings or trials, and without violating the spirit of the collaborative agreement and the collaborative process.

Heidi Risser strongly believes that Collaborative law methods can be used in most cases to avoid litigation and find good solutions for families wrestling with the issues surrounding separation, division of assets, custody, child support, and divorce.  Ms. Risser has used these methods for many years to help clients find solutions that meet their families’ needs and goals.

Benefits of Choosing a Collaborative Divorce

Written by Robin M. Mermans, Esq., owner of ROAD to RESOLUTION

When I experienced my divorce over a decade ago, I wish I knew about the option for collaborative divorce. At the time, it was fairly new to North Carolina as it was passed into law by the state legislature in 2003. This bill recognized collaborative law as an alternative to court and defined the key components of the collaborative process. Instead, my ex and I, along with our two children, experienced a divorce that was expensive, drawn-out, and – at times – adversarial.

My personal experience inspired me to become a certified divorce mediator and collaborative family law attorney. When I discovered that collaborative law and other types of alternative dispute resolution processes are committed to keeping families out of the courtroom, I knew this was a better way to divorce. While it was too late for me, I used my experience as an opportunity to help others. It became my personal and professional mission to give more people the opportunity to divorce using this healthier method. Choosing collaborative divorce has many benefits and will help you:

Avoid court:

When you choose an alternative dispute resolution process, such as collaborative law, you won’t step foot into a courtroom. Rather than letting a judge decide what’s best for your family – including asset division and child custody – you and your spouse will work together with your separate attorneys to create an enduring divorce agreement that works for the entire family. In order for this to work, both spouses must commit to the collaborative law process and agree that they will not use the threat of litigation.

Save time and money:

Divorce through litigation is often costly and time-consuming. Sometimes, divorce litigation can take years and the costs increase after every meeting, document prep, and court appearance. With collaborative law, we move as quickly as possible, and oftentimes, the divorce filing happens shortly after the state’s mandatory one-year’s separation.

Focus on your children:

Collaborative law prioritizes the well-being of children before, during, and after divorce. As part of the process, a co-parenting agreement is created with input from both spouses, their attorneys, and, if necessary, child specialists. It also outlines future scenarios that are often subject to conflicts such as holidays, birthdays, vacations, and education.

Achieve a win-win:

A collaborative divorce resolution is a win-win agreement for all parties involved. As you work to untangle the business of your marriage, collaborative-trained attorneys help to negotiate a resolution that fairly divides assets and distributes debts. The agreement is created with equal input from both parties, so you can create a resolution that works best for everyone, including your children.

Prioritize your mental health:

Divorce can be an emotionally complex experience. When you choose a collaborative divorce, there is focus on respectful communication that allows you to protect your mental health. In addition, the collaborative process welcomes the assistance of third-party mental health experts or coaches that can help with the emotions of negotiation as you work toward a resolution.

A healthy divorce is possible with ROAD to RESOLUTION. Our Charlotte-area legal team can assist you every step of the way. We offer various services as part of your divorce journey including pre-divorce education, separation agreements, non-adversarial divorce options, and co-parenting guidance. Please give us a call at (980) 260-1600 and we can discuss your legal opportunities through divorce mediation and collaborative family law.

Note: This article is intended to be informational only and shall not be construed as legal advice

Robin M. Mermans is a certified mediator and licensed attorney who offers her clients a unique experience. As a divorced mother, who is now remarried with five children, Robin is able to understand and relate. She is committed to using her personal story and passion to help her clients save time, money, and avoid unnecessary emotional turmoil while guiding them toward resolution.

How to Talk to Your Spouse About Having a Collaborative Divorce

Talking With Your Spouse About Having a Collaborative Divorce

By Irene King 

There is no right or easy way to begin a conversation about divorce. Once you and your spouse have had an initial conversation and decided that divorce is the path you are going to take, it’s important to then consider options for how you want to handle the divorce. This is an emotional time, so it is important to be patient and understanding. By following these ideas, you can have a productive conversation with your spouse about having a Collaborative divorce.

One way to start the discussion is to share with your spouse that you have researched how to divorce where everyone in the family ends up ok and that you found an option where you completely stay out of court.  This process is called “Collaborative Divorce” and is a process that is approved by North Carolina law.

Once you have introduced the concept, the next step is to have a candid conversation with your spouse about what the process is, why it is beneficial for your family, and how to move forward.  Consider the following outline of topics to explore in one or several conversations with your spouse:

What is a Collaborative divorce?  The key features of a Collaborative divorce are:

• Out-of-court process

• Each spouse is represented by their own Collaboratively-trained attorney who advocates for them without being adversarial

• Requires written commitment by both spouses to reach agreements on all issues related to divorce outside of the courtroom.

• Requires an honest and fully transparent disclosure of information and documents

• A neutral financial professional and mental health professional may be hired to support financial negotiations, development of a co-parenting plan, and to manage the inherent emotional challenges of conflict and communication issues throughout the process

• Meetings are private and confidential and the timeline is driven by the participants

• Settlement agreements are reached through mutual problem-solving and creative effort

• Overall expenses are far less than litigation

Why is a Collaborative divorce beneficial for our family? 

• There’s less emotional and financial fallout than a litigated divorce where a judge makes a decision the parties have to live with

• Attorneys are specially trained and committed to this work. They have a mindset that promotes a healthy outcome for both spouses and their children and keeps their egos out of the negotiations

• The couple maintains all the control over the management of the process, the ultimate cost, and the timing of reaching agreements

• The couple is empowered with all the information, data, and documents needed to make decisions that are based on the needs, goals, and interests of the entire family instead of having decisions imposed on them

• Each spouse has a voice in the process. With the support of the team, the spouses work together to create a beneficial outcome and there’s an added benefit of enhanced communication skills and co-parenting abilities that remain in place long after the process is over

• There’s no public airing of dirty laundry and drama

• Spouses remain committed to the agreement they co-create during the process

• Resources are conserved for the future

How should we take the next steps to have a Collaborative divorce?

• Each spouse should have an independent one-on-one consultation with a Collaboratively-trained attorney to make an informed process choice. If one spouse has a consultation and the other spouse has not yet met with an attorney, it may be helpful to ask during the consultation for a list of attorneys with whom that attorney has worked in the past and completed Collaborative matters. Then the spouse who has not yet had a consultation can make an appointment with a Collaborative attorney.

  • While it may seem counter-intuitive, Collaboratively-trained attorneys often work well together and have positive working relationships because they have each chosen to be specially trained in this divorce process and have committed to a healthy approach to their practice. It’s important to hire a Collaborative divorce attorney who shares your mindset about having a divorce process where the attorneys are working together to guide you through the process.

• If you do not meet with an attorney first, seek out a mental health professional or financial professional who has experience in Collaborative divorce and meet to discuss the ways the process may benefit your family.

• Review websites and resources such as the Charlotte Collaborative Divorce Professional’s website https://charlottecollaborativedivorce.com and the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals https://www.collaborativepractive.com to find videos, blogs, research, and other tools that give you more information about the process

• Envision and start to think about what is most important to you, what you need, and what your big picture goals are for the immediate future and long-term

• Assess and be realistic about your willingness to roll up your sleeves and work hard together to reach an agreement both of you can live with

• Consider how you want your children to experience the divorce

• Consider the reasons why a positive future relationship with your spouse is best for your family

• Have realistic expectations that divorce is never easy, but working with a team and avoiding a court battlefield will give you the best opportunity to responsibly divorce and have a healthy future

Irene King is the founder of King Collaborative Family Law in Charlotte, NC, where she is a Collaborative attorney, a certified mediator of family conflict, and works with clients to have the healthiest divorce transition possible. She has 18 years of experience and is committed to guiding clients in resolving their conflicts peacefully and rebuilding for the future with integrity and dignity.

Nobel Peace Prize – Say What?

By:  Deborah Dilman 

It’s true. In the fall of 2022 the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals (IACP) was nominated for a 2023 Nobel Peace Prize!

Why, you ask? The answer to that question is because of their international efforts to change the way conflict in families is resolved. The same reason all of us have decided to become collaborative professionals– we want to transform the process and look for different, nondestructive ways to resolve conflict in families. And the reason most of the professionals associated with CCDP are also members of the IACP.

How cool is it that an organization whose members include many professionals practicing Collaborative in Charlotte are involved in has been nominated for a Peace Prize? Usually, it’s the scientists, the neurosurgeons (yes we do believe in rocket scientists being the smartest people ever), and novelists but maybe those industries or fields of professionals are just a niche, like peacemakers trying to allow couples to uncouple with respect and dignity. Welcome the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals to the team. The Nobel Peace Prize team.

The world is recognizing that the Peace Prize means much more to the world and, hence, the nomination for a 2023 Nobel Peace Prize. Wow!

Maybe those of us who practice Collaborative law are smarter, like rocket scientists, because we have figured out that divorce does not need to destroy families. Instead, couples can uncouple in a way that allows them to keep their dignity while also instilling values in the family that will likely remain intact throughout the family’s life. We have figured out a better way to handle divorce for people.

For those naysayers who pooh-pooh the effectiveness of Collaborative Law or Collaborative Practice as it is sometimes called, it is time that everyone takes notice. Couples who enter this process are smarter, as they recognize the need to remain civil with their former partner. And those who have been doing this work for 20 years or more, or those that are fairly new to this work, are also smarter because they have recognized that most couples, given the option and understanding the dynamics, would opt for a more peaceful process of uncoupling rather than spending tens of thousands of dollars and many, many months of protracted litigation – let alone the emotional issues that result from months and years of arguing and posturing to get the “win”. Figuratively, it’s a match made in heaven……and the world is taking notice.

No one wins when couples separate, but if done appropriately, there remains respect for each other and there is peace that comes when the separation is formalized. This respect and peace allow these individuals, predominantly parents, to return to their families feeling more secure and safe about their future because they know their former spouse has “their back” and they have the back of the former spouse.

This nomination is such confirmation that those involved with the Collaborative Practice have found something that works. And, the recognition will only continue from this point.

As you likely already know, the Collaborative Process is one of generally four options available to resolve your separation. If the International Academy of Divorce Professionals of which many of us are members is recognized for its efforts in transforming families during conflict, then let us all look to take pride in the more peaceful way we have decided to help people who are separating and join efforts in working towards a more peaceful resolution when uncoupling due to separation and divorce. Boom! Rocket Science brought down to Earth!

Can we hire an appraiser in the collaborative divorce process?

By: Heidi Risser

Question: If we hire an appraiser in the collaborative process, can that appraisal be entered as evidence in court in the event we do not settle the case?

Answer: 

No. The collaborative agreement should state that any jointly hired experts, such as an appraiser, will not be able to testify at court, nor will the parties be able to introduce as evidence in court any report prepared by the appraiser. All experts hired collaboratively will usually be paid equally by the parties, and such experts are intended to be neutral within the process.  Because the neutral expert is being paid by both parties, both parties are the clients of the expert. As such, the expert is expected to maintain a neutral, informative stance within the collaborative process. This neutrality is very useful within the collaborative process, and it helps the parties and their attorneys’ trust and use the information provided by the neutral expert. If the neutral expert were later to testify in court for one of the parties, that expert would not be viewed as neutral by the parties or their attorneys.

The collaborative process is intended to be a safe way to gather information and make decisions. If one or both parties decide to leave the process, one price they both will pay, in addition to hiring new attorneys, is each hiring a new expert witness for the litigation process and paying for that new witness to prepare a report for the court and to testify in court.

Heidi Risser is a Charlotte attorney at Risser Law focusing on family law. Risser strongly believes that Collaborative law methods can be used in most cases to avoid litigation and find good solutions to families wrestling with the issues surrounding separation, division of assets, custody, child support, and divorce. Ms. Risser has used these methods for many years to help clients find solutions that meet their families’ needs and goals.  

I’ve Never Heard of the Collaborative Divorce Process- Is it New?

Is Collaborative Divorce Process New?
By Irene King 

Collaborative Divorce began with one lawyer deciding to practice family law differently. Stu Webb, a family lawyer in Minnesota, began practicing law in 1970.  After twenty years as a family lawyer trying cases in a courtroom, Stu Webb had the idea that there had to be a better way to handle family conflict than battling in a courtroom.

He wrote a letter to Justice Keith of the Minnesota Supreme Court on Valentine’s Day 1990 about his idea and the Collaborative Divorce process was born.

In his letter, Mr. Webb described the occasional times in his career when he ended up by accident in a conference room with counsel and clients where creative alternatives took hold and a family law case was settled.  He posed the question:  Why not create this settlement climate deliberatively?

Mr. Webb’s explanation of his idea embodied the key advantages that remain true of Collaborative Divorce today:

• Each client makes an informed choice to participate in a Collaborative Divorce

• Each client is represented by an attorney who is focused on resolving conflict

• There’s no threat of “going to court”

• Structured conferences generate positive energy for creative resolution

• With the focus on settlement and avoiding court, the participants are motivated to skillfully problem-solve and develop “win-win” options to settle all issues

The interdisciplinary approach to divorce resolution developed on a parallel track. In 1992, Pauline Tesler, a family lawyer and pioneer of the Collaborative Divorce process, along with Peggy Thompson, a psychologist, introduced California family psychologists to the process and they met together to create the first team of lawyers and mental health professionals to work with clients through the process. The Collaborative Divorce team approach gained momentum with the addition of financial neutrals and child specialists as professional team members.

In 1999, Collaborative Divorce was developed in North Carolina with a 1999 pilot study to assess potential results for families in this State.  Attorneys from North Carolina traveled to train with Stu Webb and Pauline Tesler.  Pam Simon, an attorney in Statesville, North Carolina, who was an early proponent of the Collaborative process said in a news article at the time, “Collaborative Law is almost a rejection of the adversarial system, which is what we have all been trained in…It requires you to look at a domestic case as a problem to be solved, not a battle to be fought.”

In 2000, The International Academy of Collaborative Professionals (IACP) was founded.  IACP is an international community of legal, mental health, and financial professionals working together to create client-centered processes for resolving conflict. IACP has Standards and Ethical Guidelines for practitioners and supports the global community of Collaborative professionals.

In 2001, the Charlotte Collaborative Divorce Group non-profit organization was formed and professionals began working together to help families resolve matters without court intervention.  With the support of the professionals in Charlotte and around the state, in 2003, the North Carolina legislature passed a law, North Carolina General Statutes Chapter 50, Sections 70-79, formally recognizing the Collaborative Divorce process as an alternative to the court process.  North Carolina is one of the few states to have a Collaborative law statute that exclusively governs family law matters.

In 2020, North Carolina adopted the Uniform Collaborative Law Act (UCLA), which formally adopts the framework for the practice of Collaborative law in civil matters.  Currently, 22 states and the District of Columbia UCLA 22 states and District of Columbia have adopted the UCLA, which has expanded the Collaborative Law model to trusts and estates issues, business disputes, construction law, employment matters, and other areas of law.

According to the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals, there are more than 25,000 practitioners working in Collaborative worldwide and that number is growing every day.

Irene King is the founder of King Collaborative Family Law in Charlotte, NC, where she is a Collaborative attorney, a certified mediator of family conflict, and works with clients to have the healthiest divorce transition possible. She has 18 years of experience and is committed to guiding clients in resolving their conflicts peacefully and rebuilding for the future with integrity and dignity.