Embracing Harmony: The Positive Aspects of Collaborative Family Law

In the realm of family law, collaborative divorce emerges as a beacon of hope, fostering respect, transparency, peace, customization, and privacy. Unlike traditional divorce proceedings, the collaborative approach involves the entire family, aiming for a smoother transition during a challenging time.

Respect becomes the cornerstone of collaborative family law, as it encourages open communication and understanding. Couples, with the assistance of trained professionals, work together to find solutions that consider the needs and perspectives of each family member. This emphasis on mutual respect sets the stage for a more amicable separation.

Transparency is another key element, dismantling the walls of secrecy that often surround conventional divorce. Through open and honest communication, parties involved gain a deeper understanding of each other’s concerns and aspirations, creating a foundation for constructive dialogue.

The pursuit of peace is a central theme in collaborative divorce, steering away from the adversarial nature of traditional legal battles. By choosing collaboration, families opt for a path that prioritizes harmony over contention, fostering an environment conducive to finding mutually beneficial resolutions.

Customization is a unique advantage of collaborative family law, allowing families to tailor solutions to their specific needs and circumstances. This personalized approach ensures that the divorce settlement is not a one-size-fits-all solution but a bespoke agreement that reflects the family’s values and priorities.

Privacy becomes paramount in collaborative divorce, offering a confidential and discreet space for families to navigate the complexities of separation. This stands in stark contrast to public court proceedings, safeguarding the family’s intimate details from unnecessary exposure.

Neutrals play a crucial role in the collaborative process, bringing expertise and guidance to facilitate smooth discussion. A divorce coach helps manage emotions, a financial neutral ensures a fair financial resolution, and a child specialist focuses on the well-being of the children involved. These professionals contribute to a comprehensive and holistic approach, addressing the multifaceted aspects of divorce.

In conclusion, collaborative family law is not just a method; it’s a philosophy that transforms the divorce process into a constructive and compassionate journey. By embracing respect, transparency, peace, customization, and privacy, collaborative divorce stands as the better way—a pathway for families to navigate transitions with dignity and understanding.

Rachel D. Rogers Hamrick is an attorney and owner of Cavanaugh Hamrick & McCarthy in Charlotte, North Carolina. She has exclusively practiced family law for almost a decade, is a North Carolina Family Financial Mediator, Parenting Coordinator, and has been practicing Collaborative since 2017.

How Do We Finalize the Divorce If We Settle In The Collaborative Process?

Although Collaborative Divorce settlements occur in private, certain contacts with the courts are permitted.  Additionally, some issues may only be resolved with the court’s assistance.  For example, some people think once they have signed a Separation Agreement that they are divorced.  This is not true.  In North Carolina, only a court can finalize the divorce and the parties are permitted to file for a divorce, even in a Collaborative case.  The parties may also need a court order to distribute retirement assets.  That, too, will require the court to enter the appropriate order.  What is important to know is that these contacts with the court do not need to be battles.  Rather, an experienced Collaborative attorney can help to make these contacts with the court as stress-free and quick as possible.

Heidi Risser has years of experience handling such matters for her clients.  Contact Heidi Risser today at 704.447.7547 or Heidi@RisserLaw.com.

What happens in Collaborative Divorce meetings?

By Dan Lewis

Collaborative Divorce meetings are the key component of the Collaborative process as this is the venue for discussing settlement options. However, a lot of work is done to prepare for them so they are as productive as possible. Meetings include the participants and their attorneys, as well as third party professionals if needed, such as a financial professional or mental health professional. During meetings, you and your team will follow an agenda prepared in advance by the attorneys.

After the initial meeting where introductions are made and the Collaborative Divorce Participation Agreement is executed, the issues to be discussed in subsequent meetings will vary based on the issues that need to be addressed in a particular case. For example, if the parties need to address the distribution of assets and debts, then they will first exchange relevant documents guided by the attorneys. Once documents have been exchanged, the team meeting will focus on questions related to any assets and debts in order to arrive at a consensus as to values and balances. Additionally, there will be a discussion of each party’s interests with respect to any items, such as what will happen with the marital home, and the team will brainstorm options for settlement. Depending on the time it will take to discuss each issue, the team may also discuss support (alimony and/or child support).

Additional information about Collaborative Divorce meetings:

Meetings are typically scheduled for no more than 2 hours at a time;

Meeting locations varies, but are typically held at the attorney’s office (alternating locations);

Dress comfortably;

Be prepared. If you are tasked to bring any information or documents with you or to think about settlement options in advance, then be ready to share at the meeting;

Let your attorney know of any recent issues that have arisen and that need to be discussed; and

Know that you may always step outside and speak privately with your attorney during a team meeting.

Dan Lewis is a partner with Tin Fulton Walker & Owen, PLLC, in Charlotte, North Carolina.  He has exclusively practiced family law since 2005, is a North Carolina Certified Family Financial Mediator, and has been practicing Collaborative law since 2009.

What documents result from a resolution reached in the collaborative process?

By Lindsey Dasher

A Separation Agreement is the main document that results from a resolution reached in the collaborative process. Additionally, a Consent Order for Child Custody and Child Support and/or a Qualified Domestic Relations Order (used to divide and distribute retirement funds held in certain qualified retirement accounts) may also result from the collaborative divorce process.

A Separation Agreement is a legally binding contract between two spouses who are living separately and apart or who plan to separate immediately after executing the Separation Agreement. The purpose of a Separation Agreement is to address and fully resolve all of the existing marital legal issues prior to divorce. A Separation Agreement disentangles your joint finances, distributes your property, assets, and debts, and defines your legal obligations post-separation.

What can be included in a Separation Agreement?

A Separation Agreement may address the following issues: Property Settlement, Spousal Support/Alimony (or waiver of the same), Child Support, and Child Custody. Property Settlement, or the division of the marital estate, details and distributes all of the assets and debts acquired during the marriage, which can include:

• the former marital residence and/or other real property,

• vehicles,

• marital debt (mortgage(s), credit cards, loans, etc.),

• bank accounts,

• stocks and bonds,

• retirement accounts,

• household goods and personal property, and

• business interests and/or ownership.

When dividing the marital estate, there is a general presumption that it is equitable to equally divide all assets and debts acquired over the course of the marriage. A Separation Agreement can also detail what tax filing status you and your spouse will claim after separation, who is responsible for tax liabilities or refunds (or how they will be divided), and which parent claims dependent children on taxes. Additionally, a Free Trader Agreement is typically included, which allows you to buy or sell real property titled in your sole name without requiring your spouse’s signature or consent. Separation Agreements also typically include a waiver of your right to inherit from your spouse or contest his or her will, and a waiver of any obligation to pay the other party’s uninsured medical bills or other “necessaries,” among other things.

Lindsey Dasher is a Fort Mill, South Carolina native who chose to return to this area after law school in order to help the people she has known since childhood. Initially, she chose to practice family law because she knew she wanted to help families in conflict. After years of litigating highly contentious family court cases, she realized that the best way to resolve conflict is not by creating more conflict.

History of the Charlotte Collaborative Divorce Professionals

by Eric Trosch

The Charlotte Collaborative Divorce Professionals’ origins grew from a local effort to codify one of the first collaborative law statutes in the nation when an ad hoc committee through the Family Law Section of the State Bar was established in 2000. This ad hoc committee’s push ultimately led North Carolina to become the second state to enact a Collaborative Law statute in 2003.

With the enactment of the statute, the ad hoc committee quickly transformed its focus from legislation to the promotion of the Collaborative Divorce process in the Charlotte metropolitan area with the formation of the Mecklenburg County Collaborative Law Practice Group. By the end of 2003, the group’s membership grew to over 36 lawyers. Shortly thereafter, the group began to add critical non-attorney members, such as divorce coaches and financial neutrals, to provide specialized non-legal expert advice in an effort to assist couples going through a divorce. Since then, the Group has added Child Specialists to assist families with issues related to the children of divorcing families.

Throughout its existence, the Group has been active in promoting a dignified, non-adversarial alternative to the traditional adversarial Divorce approaches. The Group’s members have spoken to local religious institutions, mental health providers, as well as other organizations to educate and reach the broader Charlotte Community on the advantages to Collaborative Divorce.

Now approximately twenty years later, the Group continues to grow to meet the needs of families going through a divorce. The Group meets throughout the year for substantive training so that its members keep abreast on current issues related to Collaborative Divorce and sharpen their skills. Although the Group changed its name in 2016 to the Charlotte Collaborative Divorce Professionals, it continues to educate and promote Collaborative Divorce as a better and more effective process to reaching long-lasting resolutions for divorcing families.

As a family lawyer, Eric Trosch believes that trust and honesty are two of the most important qualities.  I also believe in the importance of pursuing collaborative law whenever possible. There are many situations where it makes more sense for a client going through the painful process of a divorce, and all of the negotiations that it entails, to utilize a collaborative approach with his/her spouse/partner and make these decisions outside of court. This helps to alleviate the incredible stress that is already present in such family transitions.

Is a Collaborative Divorce legally binding?

Yes.  Collaborative Divorce is as legally binding as going through the court system.

A common misconception about divorce is that going to court and getting a court order is the only way to have legally binding documents.  This isn’t true. Divorce is never easy.  But you can do it in a way that doesn’t destroy your family or your finances.

Collaborative Divorce allows you to reach a dignified divorce resolution without a courtroom. You get to sit down as civilized adults and work out the details of a settlement with a team of qualified professionals. This can assist you and your family avoid the trauma often associated with the litigation approach.   The focus is on respectfully ending a marriage and restructuring a family.  It’s less stressful, often less expensive, and less time-consuming than traditional divorce.

You have a lawyer specifically trained in Collaborative Divorce, and your former spouse chooses one as well. The role of the Collaborative Divorce lawyer is to provide legal advice, assist with settlement discussions, and help you understand your rights and options.

A Collaborative Lawyer helps you clarify and express your goals and interests throughout the process. They will also analyze options with you so that you fully understand the benefits and limitations. This method gives you more control over the divorce process and the outcome.  It is also, usually faster and more cost-effective than the judicial process, which can stretch out for months or even years. Once you agree on an acceptable resolution, the attorneys prepare the final settlement documents.

What documents come out of the Collaborative Divorce process?

Once you come to an agreement, your settlement documents may include:

• a consent order for child custody and child support arrangements, which is signed by a Judge

• a private, confidential, and legally-binding settlement agreement for the division of property (assets and debts), and spousal support, if applicable,

• and a “friendly action” lawsuit to file for divorce and entry of a consent order, if applicable.

Resolution through collaboration will give you more control over the language used in these documents.  But the documents will either be notarized or entered by the Court to make them legally binding.

Are the agreements reached in the Collaborative Divorce process enforceable?
After the documents are signed, they become legally binding and enforceable.

If you or your former spouse do not live up to the obligations in the collaborative settlement agreement, there are clear steps to resolution laid out in the agreement. This may include a return to the Collaborative Divorce process, mediation, arbitration, or a Motion for Contempt. That may seem surprising if you didn’t go to court in the first place, but a settlement agreement is taken seriously whether it is a result of collaboration, mediation, or litigation.

Collaborative divorce lawyers are trained in approaching the process differently. They focus on communicating in good faith and include other professionals’ insights. The process may look a little bit different than other divorces, but the documentation of the outcome is the same and just as formal and binding. If you are going through a divorce, consider the Collaborative Divorce process. It will give you more control over your and your family’s future.

About Claire Samuels

Claire Samuels is the founder of Claire Samuels Law, PLLC – a family law and divorce mediation firm in Charlotte, NC.  After litigating high conflict cases for over a decade, Claire started her firm with the idea of being a “peaceful warrior” and offering her clients A Becoming Divorce.  A holistic approach to divorce that provides advocacy aligned with core values, empowers clients to make decisions from a place of strength, promotes healing and minimizes trauma.

Claire understood the fear and uncertainty inherent in most divorce cases and knew her clients needed more than just expert legal advice. So, she pulled together a powerhouse group of women dedicated to supporting her clients throughout the process and beyond.  Claire and her Curated Community work with clients and show them how they can use their divorce as a catalyst for transformation and create a solid foundation to start their best life.

How Collaborative Differs from Pro Se Mediation

By Robin M. Mermans

Collaborative Divorce and pro se mediation methods are increasing in popularity. It’s for good reason too, as more divorcing couples look to preserve relationships and customize their settlements while reducing conflict. While these 2 options have some similarities, they are different and can determine the course of your divorce.

Representation

Collaborative: Each spouse hires their own collaborative divorce attorney. These attorneys represent each client’s individual best interests.

Pro Se Mediation: A mediator can be an attorney or non-attorney. Either way, the mediator serves as a neutral third-party and does not represent either party.

Legal advice

Collaborative: An attorney is able to provide valuable legal advice while guiding clients through important information.

Pro Se Mediation: A mediator can provide information throughout the divorce, but they’re ethically prohibited from providing legal advice to either party.

Balance of power

Collaborative: Maintaining a fair balance of power throughout a divorce can be a challenge. When there’s an imbalance of power, a collaborative divorce attorney can step in and help to effectively equalize and diffuse the situation.

Pro Se Mediation: A mediator serves as a peacekeeper and facilitator. If there is an imbalance of power, they use mediation and conflict resolution tactics to guide the couple through disagreement.

Legal documents

Collaborative: A collaborative attorney can draft all of the legal documents needed throughout the divorce process. In addition to filing the divorce, collaborative attorneys can also draft prenuptial, postnuptial, separation, and custody agreements.

Pro Se Mediation: As a neutral party, a mediator is ethically prohibited from drafting the legal documents required to make the negotiated agreement between the parties legally binding. Instead, the mediator drafts what is called a mediation summary or memorandum of understanding. One party then takes this summary/memorandum to an attorney, who will prepare the legally binding document(s).

Professional support

Collaborative: With a collaborative divorce, there are a number of collaboratively trained professionals available to support clients, either individually or together, during the divorce process. This often includes financial experts, child custody specialists, mediators, and/or coaches.

Pro Se Mediation: In conventional divorce mediation, couples generally work with one mediator.

Negotiation assistance

Collaborative: Collaborative Divorce participants receive assistance in negotiating their divorce, no matter where they are in the process.

Pro Se Mediation: In mediation, professional mediators help guide the divorce negotiations, but they are prohibited from legally assisting or providing direct advice to either party involved in the divorce.

If you’re looking for someone to serve as a legal advocate, who solely represents you and your best interests, Collaborative Divorce may be the better option for you. Collaborative Divorce attorneys will work to create a positive and supportive atmosphere for you and your spouse. The goal of Collaborative Divorce is to reach a fair and balanced resolution without the threat of future litigation. An agreement is reached where both spouses have direct input and control in the outcome, rather than fighting through litigation where there is little to no control. Collaborative Divorce is widely recognized as a respectful approach with long-lasting mutual benefits. When you engage the help of a collaborative divorce attorney, you’ll have access to legal support and additional resources specific to your personal needs.

I’m a collaborative divorce attorney and certified mediator. My journey in this industry began when I experienced divorce first-hand through litigation. After realizing the excessive stress that it caused my children, my ex-husband, and myself, I knew there had to be a better process. Inspired to help others, I founded ROAD to RESOLUTION as a non-attorney mediator. I later earned a Juris Doctor, passed the North Carolina Bar, and became a Collaborative Divorce attorney as a way to offer a full range of services to my clients. I believe that hiring an attorney with experience in both collaborative law and mediation is beneficial, no matter which method you end up choosing.

Interested in learning more about collaborative divorce?

If you have specific questions about how a Collaborative Divorce might work in your unique situation, please don’t hesitate to give ROAD to RESOLUTION a call at (980) 260-1600. Our Charlotte-based team of legal experts is ready to help you. Our mission is to offer support and guidance to you and your family.

(Note: This blog is intended to be informational only and shall not be construed as legal advice. For more information, please contact www.ROADtoRESOLUTION.com.)

Top Five Advantages of Collaborative DIVORCE

By Lindsey S. Dasher

You may hear the word “divorce” and think of mudslinging or being grilled by an attorney while you’re on the witness stand, but collaborative law is so different. As alluded to in the name, collaborative divorce means the spouses and their attorneys collaborate. They work together as a team to separate assets and reach a resolution on difficult issues like parenting time, child support, alimony, and the like. The collaborative process is completely voluntary but has proven very successful in keeping cases out of court, former spouses civil, and family finances in better shape. Here are five advantages of engaging in the collaborative divorce process:

LESS CONFLICT

Divorce is hard. There’s no getting around that. But divorce can be much harder on you mentally, emotionally, and financially if you and your spouse are going back and forth in court. In the collaborative process, both spouses agree beforehand, in a legally binding contract, that they will commit to resolving their domestic issues outside of the courtroom. When the spouses share that same goal, they’re often more committed to working through disagreements and getting issues resolved. Instead of being a team in marriage, they become a team in a different game.

MORE PRIVACY

Court files are public records. Anyone can go to the file room at their respective county courthouse and look at the most intimate details of a family’s breakup. Was there a cheating spouse? You’ll probably read all about it in the filings. Did a spouse gamble away all the marital assets? That will be in there, too. If you’re considering divorce, airing your most intimate struggles in open court only adds insult to injury. Maybe you just don’t want anyone to know why your marriage is ending. Maybe you don’t want anyone to know the balance of your retirement accounts. Whatever your reason, a collaborative divorce allows you to keep most of your private details out of the public record. There is no recorded testimony, no public accusations – just an agreement between two spouses on how their marriage will end. If spouses successfully complete the collaborative divorce process, the only public record could be that of the legal divorce itself.

LIKE-MINDED SUPPORT

Collaborative divorce attorneys are specifically trained in the collaborative process. However, most of us are not trained in child psychology or wealth and capital management. The great news is that if you are committed to the collaborative divorce process and you need an expert to help you figure out, for example, what parenting arrangement works best for the children, there are child specialists, financial planners, and divorce coaches who are also committed to the collaborative process. They can work together with both spouses (or one-on-one) to find a resolution to a specific issue. These professionals are an excellent resource that can help give you more peace of mind knowing they share your same goal – a peaceful resolution.

STREAMLINED PROCESS

The goal of the collaborative process is to resolve domestic issues as amicably and efficiently as possible. If both sides are following through with their commitment, both spouses and their attorneys are sharing all the necessary documents in a timely manner, there is open communication, and additional professional help can be attained easily by adding trained professionals to the collaborative team. This process eliminates what you often see in litigation: attorneys sometimes repeatedly asking for documents, subpoenas being issued to get more information, each side looking for their own expert witnesses to support their case, and so on. Collaborative divorce streamlines the process so that you can resolve your divorce amicably, efficiently, and equitably, and you can move forward with the next steps of your new life.

COST-EFFECTIVE APPROACH*

I’m always leery when I see the * after a sentence. It means there’s a “but” coming. Let me first say that a collaborative divorce is generally more cost-effective than litigation. When you have both sides working toward a resolution, they spend less time fighting. The caveat is—you and your spouse play a role in the final cost. If you work together, you will keep costs down. But if you start the collaborative divorce process and start having difficulties, your attorneys will have to walk you through those issues, which could mean a higher overall cost.

If you’re facing a divorce, there is hope that you can divorce differently. Collaborative divorce is an ideal fit for many families.

Lindsey Dasher is a Fort Mill, South Carolina native who chose to return to this area after law school in order to help the people she has known since childhood. Initially, she chose to practice family law because she knew she wanted to help families in conflict. After years of litigating highly contentious family court cases, she realized that the best way to resolve conflict is not by creating more conflict. She believes wholeheartedly that resolving conflict collaboratively or through mediation is the best thing that two people who are struggling through the pain and heartache of a divorce can do for themselves and for their children.

Gathering Documents and Information – Collaborative Divorce v. Court

By Eric Trosch

In Collaborative Divorce, the process of gathering information is streamlined and simplified. Collaborative Divorce uses informal discovery, such as the voluntary exchange of financial information, and relies on neutral experts such as tax advisors, financial planners, appraisers, child specialists, and divorce coaches. In Collaborative Divorce, all team members sign a contract, to be honest with the others involved in the process and to not hide the ball.

In most cases, the team members will discuss what types of documents they will want to exchange prior to the first or second four-way meeting. Then they will exchange these documents very early in the case. The purpose of this information gathering is so everyone is on the same page and has the same knowledge of the family’s finances. In the Collaborative Law Participation Agreement, there is a requirement to give full disclosure to all those involved. This obligation to be honest with one another applies to the clients, the experts, and even the lawyers. Not only is lying forbidden, but also lies of omission are not allowed, and everyone is required to proactively disclose all relevant information (such as all assets, debts, and income) to all involved.

In the event that one of the parties, called “participants,” refuses to comply with this disclosure, then that participant’s lawyer is obligated to withdraw from the case. Since everyone is aware of this obligation on the front end, it is rare that this comes into play.

Because everyone involved in the Collaborative Divorce process has contractually agreed to fully disclose everything to the others in the process, the lawyers and experts only ask for what they really need to analyze the finances and not “extra” information to harass, annoy or run up the costs for the other client. If after the first round of information and document gathering anyone needs more information, then either participant can ask for this information at any time and more will be provided.

The purpose of the informal information gathering is to allow everyone to be on the same playing field and educated on the finances so they will be comfortable to be able to ultimately settle the matter. This voluntary exchange of information is of great benefit to the process, resulting in a faster, often less expensive, and more equitable divorce than the typical result in court.

In litigation (the court process) Discovery is a formal process where the attorneys attempt to learn as much about the facts of your case as possible. Through a variety of methods, both lawyers will formally request information from you, your spouse, and potential witnesses in your case. This formal discovery process can be very lengthy costly and oftentimes uncomfortable for the participants. The parties will exchange formal requests such as the following:

Requests for production of documents, asking that certain documents be provided by you or your spouse;

Requests for admissions, asking that certain facts be admitted or denied;

Subpoena documents; and

Depositions in which questions are asked and answered in the presence of a court reporter, but outside of the presence of a judge.

Often times the requesting party asks for far more than they really need, such as years of documents or extremely broad questions either out of fear the other party is hiding something or sometimes just to require their spouse to have to run up extra legal fees, be embarrassed, or make them waste their time. The process of drafting this discovery can be very time-consuming and normally will not be submitted to the other side until months after you first meet with your attorney.

In Court, after each request is received, the responding person has 30 days, which can be extended to 60 days easily, to respond. Sometimes parties will request even more time to respond which delays the progress of your case. The responses are craftily written by the attorneys often with the intent to hide documents and information from the requesting party. Then the requesting party often will have to try to force the responding party to respond by having a hearing called a motion to compel.

The discovery process is a layered one where once one side gets documents and answers to written questions and then may ask the other side for a deposition. Then the lawyer may subpoena the other side’s documentation directly from the bank or other companies/ people that may have the documents. The whole process is more like an investigation and feels like an interrogation of the other side and their friends, family, and colleagues.

After all of this process is completed and months, if not years, pass, the litigants still will not ever really know if there is something else out there. The lawyers in the court case are not allowed to directly lie, but if for some reason the exact right question is not asked, then the lawyer is not obligated to disclose the information. This often creates doubts in the litigants’ and lawyers’ minds, leading to overly broad questions digging deeper into issues and making it much more difficult to settle the case. Most clients despise this formal discovery process, because, in the end, the formal discovery process is not set up for speed or cost-effectiveness, causes lots of insecurity, and oftentimes leads to unsatisfactory results.

Eric Trosch believes, as a family lawyer, that trust and honesty are two of the most important qualities.  I also believe in the importance of pursuing collaborative law whenever possible. There are many situations where it makes more sense for a client going through the painful process of a divorce, and all of the negotiations that it entails, to utilize a collaborative approach with his/her spouse/partner and make these decisions outside of court. This helps to alleviate the incredible stress that is already present in such family transitions.

Collaborative Agreement and No Court?

By Heidi S. Risser

Question: 
If my spouse and I sign a collaborative agreement not to go to court, how do we get divorced?

Answer: 
The collaborative agreement, which is signed by each party and their attorneys, should explain that necessary interactions with the court are not precluded by signing the collaborative agreement.  Even after a case has been settled, certain contacts with the court are required in North Carolina.  Two examples are: (1) obtaining a divorce, and (2) filing a “friendly” action requesting that the court divide retirement assets through a Qualified Domestic Relations Order.  If a court order is being used to settle the issues of child support and/or child custody, or any other issues, then those settlement terms would be included in a consent order and signed by a judge.  Your collaborative attorney(s) will know how to handle these matters without having hearings or trials, and without violating the spirit of the collaborative agreement and the collaborative process.

Heidi Risser strongly believes that Collaborative law methods can be used in most cases to avoid litigation and find good solutions for families wrestling with the issues surrounding separation, division of assets, custody, child support, and divorce.  Ms. Risser has used these methods for many years to help clients find solutions that meet their families’ needs and goals.

Benefits of Choosing a Collaborative Divorce

Written by Robin M. Mermans, Esq., owner of ROAD to RESOLUTION

When I experienced my divorce over a decade ago, I wish I knew about the option for collaborative divorce. At the time, it was fairly new to North Carolina as it was passed into law by the state legislature in 2003. This bill recognized collaborative law as an alternative to court and defined the key components of the collaborative process. Instead, my ex and I, along with our two children, experienced a divorce that was expensive, drawn-out, and – at times – adversarial.

My personal experience inspired me to become a certified divorce mediator and collaborative family law attorney. When I discovered that collaborative law and other types of alternative dispute resolution processes are committed to keeping families out of the courtroom, I knew this was a better way to divorce. While it was too late for me, I used my experience as an opportunity to help others. It became my personal and professional mission to give more people the opportunity to divorce using this healthier method. Choosing collaborative divorce has many benefits and will help you:

Avoid court:

When you choose an alternative dispute resolution process, such as collaborative law, you won’t step foot into a courtroom. Rather than letting a judge decide what’s best for your family – including asset division and child custody – you and your spouse will work together with your separate attorneys to create an enduring divorce agreement that works for the entire family. In order for this to work, both spouses must commit to the collaborative law process and agree that they will not use the threat of litigation.

Save time and money:

Divorce through litigation is often costly and time-consuming. Sometimes, divorce litigation can take years and the costs increase after every meeting, document prep, and court appearance. With collaborative law, we move as quickly as possible, and oftentimes, the divorce filing happens shortly after the state’s mandatory one-year’s separation.

Focus on your children:

Collaborative law prioritizes the well-being of children before, during, and after divorce. As part of the process, a co-parenting agreement is created with input from both spouses, their attorneys, and, if necessary, child specialists. It also outlines future scenarios that are often subject to conflicts such as holidays, birthdays, vacations, and education.

Achieve a win-win:

A collaborative divorce resolution is a win-win agreement for all parties involved. As you work to untangle the business of your marriage, collaborative-trained attorneys help to negotiate a resolution that fairly divides assets and distributes debts. The agreement is created with equal input from both parties, so you can create a resolution that works best for everyone, including your children.

Prioritize your mental health:

Divorce can be an emotionally complex experience. When you choose a collaborative divorce, there is focus on respectful communication that allows you to protect your mental health. In addition, the collaborative process welcomes the assistance of third-party mental health experts or coaches that can help with the emotions of negotiation as you work toward a resolution.

A healthy divorce is possible with ROAD to RESOLUTION. Our Charlotte-area legal team can assist you every step of the way. We offer various services as part of your divorce journey including pre-divorce education, separation agreements, non-adversarial divorce options, and co-parenting guidance. Please give us a call at (980) 260-1600 and we can discuss your legal opportunities through divorce mediation and collaborative family law.

Note: This article is intended to be informational only and shall not be construed as legal advice

Robin M. Mermans is a certified mediator and licensed attorney who offers her clients a unique experience. As a divorced mother, who is now remarried with five children, Robin is able to understand and relate. She is committed to using her personal story and passion to help her clients save time, money, and avoid unnecessary emotional turmoil while guiding them toward resolution.

How to Talk to Your Spouse About Having a Collaborative Divorce

Talking With Your Spouse About Having a Collaborative Divorce

By Irene King 

There is no right or easy way to begin a conversation about divorce. Once you and your spouse have had an initial conversation and decided that divorce is the path you are going to take, it’s important to then consider options for how you want to handle the divorce. This is an emotional time, so it is important to be patient and understanding. By following these ideas, you can have a productive conversation with your spouse about having a Collaborative divorce.

One way to start the discussion is to share with your spouse that you have researched how to divorce where everyone in the family ends up ok and that you found an option where you completely stay out of court.  This process is called “Collaborative Divorce” and is a process that is approved by North Carolina law.

Once you have introduced the concept, the next step is to have a candid conversation with your spouse about what the process is, why it is beneficial for your family, and how to move forward.  Consider the following outline of topics to explore in one or several conversations with your spouse:

What is a Collaborative divorce?  The key features of a Collaborative divorce are:

• Out-of-court process

• Each spouse is represented by their own Collaboratively-trained attorney who advocates for them without being adversarial

• Requires written commitment by both spouses to reach agreements on all issues related to divorce outside of the courtroom.

• Requires an honest and fully transparent disclosure of information and documents

• A neutral financial professional and mental health professional may be hired to support financial negotiations, development of a co-parenting plan, and to manage the inherent emotional challenges of conflict and communication issues throughout the process

• Meetings are private and confidential and the timeline is driven by the participants

• Settlement agreements are reached through mutual problem-solving and creative effort

• Overall expenses are far less than litigation

Why is a Collaborative divorce beneficial for our family? 

• There’s less emotional and financial fallout than a litigated divorce where a judge makes a decision the parties have to live with

• Attorneys are specially trained and committed to this work. They have a mindset that promotes a healthy outcome for both spouses and their children and keeps their egos out of the negotiations

• The couple maintains all the control over the management of the process, the ultimate cost, and the timing of reaching agreements

• The couple is empowered with all the information, data, and documents needed to make decisions that are based on the needs, goals, and interests of the entire family instead of having decisions imposed on them

• Each spouse has a voice in the process. With the support of the team, the spouses work together to create a beneficial outcome and there’s an added benefit of enhanced communication skills and co-parenting abilities that remain in place long after the process is over

• There’s no public airing of dirty laundry and drama

• Spouses remain committed to the agreement they co-create during the process

• Resources are conserved for the future

How should we take the next steps to have a Collaborative divorce?

• Each spouse should have an independent one-on-one consultation with a Collaboratively-trained attorney to make an informed process choice. If one spouse has a consultation and the other spouse has not yet met with an attorney, it may be helpful to ask during the consultation for a list of attorneys with whom that attorney has worked in the past and completed Collaborative matters. Then the spouse who has not yet had a consultation can make an appointment with a Collaborative attorney.

  • While it may seem counter-intuitive, Collaboratively-trained attorneys often work well together and have positive working relationships because they have each chosen to be specially trained in this divorce process and have committed to a healthy approach to their practice. It’s important to hire a Collaborative divorce attorney who shares your mindset about having a divorce process where the attorneys are working together to guide you through the process.

• If you do not meet with an attorney first, seek out a mental health professional or financial professional who has experience in Collaborative divorce and meet to discuss the ways the process may benefit your family.

• Review websites and resources such as the Charlotte Collaborative Divorce Professional’s website https://charlottecollaborativedivorce.com and the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals https://www.collaborativepractive.com to find videos, blogs, research, and other tools that give you more information about the process

• Envision and start to think about what is most important to you, what you need, and what your big picture goals are for the immediate future and long-term

• Assess and be realistic about your willingness to roll up your sleeves and work hard together to reach an agreement both of you can live with

• Consider how you want your children to experience the divorce

• Consider the reasons why a positive future relationship with your spouse is best for your family

• Have realistic expectations that divorce is never easy, but working with a team and avoiding a court battlefield will give you the best opportunity to responsibly divorce and have a healthy future

Irene King is the founder of King Collaborative Family Law in Charlotte, NC, where she is a Collaborative attorney, a certified mediator of family conflict, and works with clients to have the healthiest divorce transition possible. She has 18 years of experience and is committed to guiding clients in resolving their conflicts peacefully and rebuilding for the future with integrity and dignity.

Can we hire an appraiser in the collaborative divorce process?

By: Heidi Risser

Question: If we hire an appraiser in the collaborative process, can that appraisal be entered as evidence in court in the event we do not settle the case?

Answer: 

No. The collaborative agreement should state that any jointly hired experts, such as an appraiser, will not be able to testify at court, nor will the parties be able to introduce as evidence in court any report prepared by the appraiser. All experts hired collaboratively will usually be paid equally by the parties, and such experts are intended to be neutral within the process.  Because the neutral expert is being paid by both parties, both parties are the clients of the expert. As such, the expert is expected to maintain a neutral, informative stance within the collaborative process. This neutrality is very useful within the collaborative process, and it helps the parties and their attorneys’ trust and use the information provided by the neutral expert. If the neutral expert were later to testify in court for one of the parties, that expert would not be viewed as neutral by the parties or their attorneys.

The collaborative process is intended to be a safe way to gather information and make decisions. If one or both parties decide to leave the process, one price they both will pay, in addition to hiring new attorneys, is each hiring a new expert witness for the litigation process and paying for that new witness to prepare a report for the court and to testify in court.

Heidi Risser is a Charlotte attorney at Risser Law focusing on family law. Risser strongly believes that Collaborative law methods can be used in most cases to avoid litigation and find good solutions to families wrestling with the issues surrounding separation, division of assets, custody, child support, and divorce. Ms. Risser has used these methods for many years to help clients find solutions that meet their families’ needs and goals.  

What is the Difference Between Collaborative Divorce and “collaborative style?”

Learn the Difference Between Collaborative Divorce and “collaborative style?”
By Dan Lewis

The major difference between Collaborative Divorce and “collaborative style” negotiation is that with Collaborative Divorce the parties and their attorneys sign a Collaborative Divorce Participation Agreement.  This agreement contains the vital provision that if the process does not result in a settlement, then the parties’ attorneys must withdraw from their representation and each party must either hire a new attorney or choose to proceed without legal counsel.

A “collaborative style” negotiation involves the similar exchange of documents and information, but with the threat of litigation looming over the parties and most often through sending written proposals/counter proposals between attorneys.  While Collaborative Divorce is practiced throughout North Carolina and is set forth in North Carolina law, many attorneys are either unaware of this confidential settlement option or lack the experience and/or understanding of how it works.  This tends to lead many attorneys to steer clients away from Collaborative Divorce as a viable option for dispute resolution.

Dan Lewis is a partner with Tin Fulton Walker & Owen, PLLC, in Charlotte, North Carolina.  He has exclusively practiced family law since 2005, is a North Carolina Certified Family Financial Mediator, and has been practicing Collaborative law since 2009.

What is Collaborative Training for the Professionals on my Team?

Learn more about Collaborative Training for the Professionals on my Team?

By Irene King 

Collaborative training is a specialized form of professional development and training for lawyers, financial professionals, and mental health professionals who are committed to guiding clients to resolve their divorce-related issues through the Collaborative process and outside of the adversarial court system.

Introductory training is typically at least 14 hours and provides an overview of the Collaborative process, as well as specific tools and techniques that can be used to help clients reach a mutually agreeable and durable settlement.  In addition, the training offers a shift in thinking, often called the “paradigm shift,” that gives practitioners a new mindset to navigate the emotional, financial, and legal issues and conflict that arises in a goal-oriented and interest-based way.  By completing introductory Collaborative divorce training, professionals learn how to work as a team to guide clients and generate options that work for every family member.  Collaborative professionals often have training in non-violent communication, mediation, neuroscience, interdisciplinary teamwork, and other types of training to have a level of understanding of what clients experience during the separation and divorce process. The commitment to teamwork and healthy communication techniques gives professionals advanced skills to resolve issues related to parenting plans and decision-making responsibilities, property division, and spousal support issues in an efficient and effective manner.

As an experienced Collaborative professional will tell you, the paradigm shift is an ongoing journey that each professional must stay committed to and hone as part of Collaborative practice.  Often, the first training is just the beginning.  Professionals who dedicate themselves to this work delve deep, uplevel their skills in both introductory and advanced training, and devote themselves to lifelong learning on a professional and personal level. By committing to a high level of competence in the Collaborative process, skilled professionals will deliver the highest and best work for families to transition through divorce in the healthiest way possible.

Irene King is the founder of King Collaborative Family Law in Charlotte, NC, where she is a Collaborative attorney, a certified mediator of family conflict, and works with clients to have the healthiest divorce transition possible. She has 18 years of experience and is committed to guiding clients in resolving their conflicts peacefully and rebuilding for the future with integrity and dignity.

How Is Collaborative Divorce Different From Mediation?

Learn How Collaborative Divorce Is Different From Mediation
By Dan Lewis

As a family law attorney and certified family financial mediator, I have spoken with many individuals who are unaware of how Collaborative Divorce and mediation are actually defined and the differences between these alternative dispute resolution methods.  This is understandable as one would only need to know this information if they experienced family law issues.  The fact is that Collaborative Divorce and mediation are both alternative dispute resolution models that parties use to settle legal issues and have a relatively high likelihood of success where parties compromise to avoid going to court and move on with their lives.  However, there are stark differences between these two models.

Collaborative Divorce
“Collaborative Divorce” is a means of dispute resolution based upon the parties’ interests where they work together with their attorneys to resolve family law issues.  Through a series of meetings (in-person, virtual, or a combination), parties and their attorneys discuss each issue and generate options for settlement where the parties maintain control of the outcome.  At times, third-party neutral professionals, such as divorce coaches and financial professionals, assist the parties and the attorneys as needed and as agreed upon by your collaborative team.

Very importantly, a distinctive element of the Collaborative Divorce process is the signing of a Collaborative Divorce Participation Agreement by the parties and their attorneys. This agreement contains the vital provision that if the process does not result in a settlement, then the parties’ attorneys must withdraw from their representation.  Additionally, the written agreement sets forth various rules, including:

• Respect for one another, the attorneys, and the process;

• The voluntary exchange of documents and information; and

• That all statements made by a spouse, all documents exchanged, and all reports or work product generated during the process, are confidential and inadmissible in court.

Mediation
Mediation is a confidential settlement discussion between parties that is facilitated by a trained, neutral third party to assist in resolving disputes through positional negotiation.  Like Collaborative Divorce, in mediation, the parties control the outcome rather than a judge. The mediator cannot give legal advice to either party and does not decide who is right or wrong. Instead, the mediator facilitates by attempting to reach a compromise.

Parties can choose to attend mediation before going to Court or once their case is pending, and can attend with attorneys or without them. Sometimes the parties are in the same room for mediation sessions and sometimes they are in separate rooms where the mediator moves back and forth to discuss settlement proposals/counter proposals.  Mediation may take up to one day or over multiple sessions depending on the complexity of the issues and the ability of the parties to compromise. If a compromise is reached, an attorney drafts the settlement documents setting forth the agreement reached in mediation.  If you have a child custody case pending in North Carolina, then you are required to attend mediation per North Carolina law.  If you have financial issues pending in North Carolina, then you are required to complete some form of Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR), and mediation is a commonly used option.

Dan Lewis is a partner with Tin Fulton Walker & Owen, PLLC, in Charlotte, North Carolina.  He has exclusively practiced family law since 2005, is a North Carolina Certified Family Financial Mediator, and has been practicing Collaborative law since 2009.

How to get divorced with a collaborative agreement

Question:  If my spouse and I sign a collaborative agreement not to go to court, how do we get divorced?
By Heidi S. Risser

Answer:
The collaborative agreement, which is signed by each party and their attorneys, should explain that necessary interactions with the court are not precluded by signing the collaborative agreement.  Even after a case has been settled, certain contacts with the court are required in North Carolina.  Two examples are: (1) obtaining a divorce, and (2) filing a “friendly” action requesting that the court divide retirement assets through a Qualified Domestic Relations Order.  If a court order is being used to settle the issues of child support and/or child custody, or any other issues, then those settlement terms would be included in a consent order and signed by a judge.  Your collaborative attorney(s) will know how to handle these matters without having hearings or trials, and without violating the spirit of the collaborative agreement and the collaborative process.

Heidi Risser is a Charlotte attorney at Risser Law focusing on family law.  Risser strongly believes that Collaborative law methods can be used in most cases to avoid litigation and find good solutions to families wrestling with the issues surrounding separation, division of assets, custody, child support, and divorce.  Ms. Risser has used these methods for many years to help clients find solutions that meet their families’ needs and goals.  

Role of Attorney in Collaborative Divorce?

What is the Role of the Attorney in Collaborative Divorce?
By Dan Lewis 

The attorneys in Collaborative Divorce make up one-half of the Collaborative team along with their clients.  While advocacy in Collaborative Divorce may appear to be different from the traditional divorce process, rest assured that your attorney always advocates for your best interests.  The attorneys perform many vital roles in Collaborative Divorce, including:

• Assists each participant in evaluating conflict resolution process choices;

• Assists each participant in gathering and analyzing information;

• Helps each participant clarify and express goals, needs and interests during negotiations in service of developing workable settlement options and packages;

• Helps each participant evaluate consequences and limitations of possible solutions with the other attorney, helps each participant and both participants, as needed, to understand the role and limits of the law in negotiating mutually acceptable solutions;

• Helps each participant weigh settlement options in relation to identified personal and collective values and interests;

• With the other attorney, guides and facilitates negotiations;

• With the other attorney, manages conflicts and differences during the negotiation process;

• Prepares the required legal documentation of the settlement, including agreements, consent orders to be signed and filed by the court, as necessary; and

• Helps each participant negotiate post-divorce agreements, as needed.

Dan Lewis is a partner with Tin Fulton Walker & Owen, PLLC, in Charlotte, North Carolina.  He has exclusively practiced family law since 2005, is a North Carolina Certified Family Financial Mediator, and has been practicing Collaborative law since 2009.

What are my Options for Choosing a Divorce Process?

Do-It-Yourself
In a world where everything has a “DIY” option, divorce is no exception. Also known as the “kitchen table” divorce, this option assumes you and your spouse have an agreement on all issues and you complete all documents related to the divorce yourself, or one of you hires an attorney to draft a legally binding separation agreement and the other spouse hires an attorney to review the separation agreement.  This is likely the lowest-cost option and the one in which a couple has all control over the outcome. It can be very helpful to have a consultation with an attorney before engaging in a DIY option to ensure you understand the legal consequences of your decisions.

Mediation
Mediation involves a neutral third person who facilitates the settlement negotiations between you and your spouse.  You can choose to be represented by an attorney, or you can mediate without an attorney “pro se.”  The mediator meets with you and your spouse to facilitate the resolution of all issues relating to the separation and divorce. A mediator cannot give legal advice to either of you in mediation and cannot draft any legally binding documents. When an agreement is reached, the mediator may prepare a summary of the terms.  An independent attorney must draft the legally binding settlement documents.

Collaborative Divorce Process
Collaborative divorce process is an innovative approach to divorce and gives you and your spouse the opportunity to negotiate the terms of your divorce with the guidance and support of professionals trained in the Collaborative process, with a commitment to resolve all issues out-of-court.  Each spouse is represented by an attorney trained in the Collaborative process, and together you customize your divorce team. This team can include a financial neutral, a divorce coach/facilitator, and/or a child specialist.  The process is transparent and focuses on creating a safe, family-focused environment to make intelligent, long-lasting decisions. While the law is one data point to consider when going through a divorce, this process promotes creative problem-solving that skillfully crafts a customized solution for each family. A win-win approach is used to maximize resources and especially craft an outcome that’s based on what’s most important to all family members. Each spouse is encouraged to consider not only their own needs, but the needs of their family as a whole, and to work with the support of the team to redefine the family.  Collaborative divorce builds the scaffolding to solidify a new foundation for you to co-parent in a healthy way, divide property and allocate resources in a practical way, and ensure each family member is set up for success in the next chapter of your life.

Settlement Negotiations
Settlement negotiations through attorneys typically stop just short of a decision made by a judge in a traditional litigated divorce. Negotiations may take place after a lawsuit has been filed, and issues may settle through mediation, or through attorney-led written proposals and counter-proposals. Negotiation between attorneys often goes back and forth over time until a settlement is reached and settlement documents are prepared and executed. A judge does not decide the divorce settlement, but the threat of going through with depositions, discovery, court hearings, and all of the gamesmanship associated with litigation to obtain a judge’s decision is often the driving force behind the settlement.

Traditional Litigation
Litigation is a long, expensive process.  When couples have no ability to make any decisions themselves and file a lawsuit to have a judge make decisions for them, they are in litigation.  This option ensures a fight and escalation of conflict at every stage of the process.  The couple loses all control over decision-making and chooses to expend all resources, time, and effort and ensure the transactional, practical, and emotional fallout of a litigated divorce.  Often, children are the true victims of a litigated divorce; although even in families without children, a litigated divorce is expensive, intensely emotional, and traumatic.  Sometimes a settlement is accomplished on the courtroom steps just before a trial begins, but even if a settlement is reached, it’s typically accomplished at a time when the parties are out of resources, exhausted, or as a result of bullying and coercive tactics. Parties may be dissatisfied with the result of litigation because they had zero input during the process and relied on a stranger to make life-changing, permanent decisions for the family.

Irene King is the founder of King Collaborative Family Law in Charlotte, NC, where she is a Collaborative attorney, a certified mediator of family conflict, and works with clients to have the healthiest divorce transition possible. She has 18 years of experience and is committed to guiding clients in resolving their conflicts peacefully and rebuilding for the future with integrity and dignity.

What is Collaborative Divorce

“Collaborative Divorce” is a means of dispute resolution where the parties (called “participants”) and their attorneys agree to work together to resolve their family law issues without involving or threatening adversarial litigation.  North Carolina law specifically recognizes this process as an alternative to litigation for those who do not want to go to court.

During this confidential process, each participant has an attorney to assist in creative problem-solving of issues ranging from child custody, division of assets and debts, and support.  Third-party neutral professionals, such as divorce coaches and financial professionals, assist the participants and the attorneys as needed and as agreed upon by your collaborative team.  Through a series of meetings (in-person, virtual, or a combination), participants and their attorneys discuss each issue and generate options for settlement where the parties maintain control of the outcome.  Compared to litigation, which can result in a scorched earth view of the other party, Collaborative Divorce often leads to more durable agreements, positive relationships for the future (especially important when co-parenting children), and solid foundations as participants move to the next chapter in their lives.

A distinctive element of the Collaborative Divorce process is the signing of a Collaborative Divorce Participation Agreement by the participants and their attorneys. This agreement contains the vital provision that if the process does not result in a settlement, then the participants’ attorneys must withdraw from their representation.  Additionally, the written agreement sets forth various rules, including:

• Respect for one another, the attorneys, and the process;

• The voluntary exchange of documents and information; and

• That all statements made by a participant, all documents exchanged, and all reports or work products generated during the process are confidential and inadmissible in court.

Dan Lewis is a partner with Tin Fulton Walker & Owen, PLLC, in Charlotte, North Carolina.  He has exclusively practiced family law since 2005, is a North Carolina Certified Family Financial Mediator, and has been practicing Collaborative law since 2009.