3 Reasons to Add a Collaborative Divorce Coach to Your Team
A collaborative divorce coach can provide many different services during the divorce process. Here are three primary roles if you engage the services of a coach:
A collaborative divorce coach can provide many different services during the divorce process. Here are three primary roles if you engage the services of a coach:
1) Help negotiate agreements:
If your meetings are engaged as a couple with one coach, the role of the coach is to assist in the negotiations of your agreement. These negotiations may involve the creation of a parenting plan, holiday schedules, financial agreements & the smooth restructuring of your family. A collaborative agreement is signed with all of the professionals involved in your divorce proceedings and your coach can also guide you through the necessary steps of having a dignified and respectful divorce.
2)Individual Support:
If your needs are more for individual support throughout the divorce process, the role of the coach will be to provide services to allow for the processing of emotions and negotiations during this time of transition.
It is very normal to experience a wide range of emotions during this difficult time. These emotions may range from anger to sadness and at times to despair, fear and helplessness.
The role of a coach is to help empower you and guide you through the support and coping skills helpful during this transition.
3)Helping Parties Transition:
Future visioning guides us to look forward in our lives to a place where life will not feel quite so difficult. Coaching helps guide you through this transition time to a calmer place of rebuilding your life. The goal is to assist you in seeing what your life will be like when days don’t seem quite so overwhelming.
Rebuilding takes time but is always possible and the steps to arrive there are definitely more manageable when a coach is involved in the process. Coaching is aimed at guiding you to a time when the turmoil of this transition has passed, and you feel like you have landed on your feet in the new world you have created for yourself and your family.
Regardless of the role you engage your coach for, the confidentiality and support during the coaching process is invaluable for guiding you through the emotions that often arise during this difficult time.
Ann Kreindler-Siegel, LCSW, MSW, MAEd, SEP, BCC is a somatic experiencing psychotherapist & board certified coach who specializes in collaborative divorce coaching. She has been practicing in the profession of psychotherapy for over 25 years and has increased her practice to provide divorce coaching to couples to support them through this transition in their lives and families.
3 Reasons to Add a Child Specialist to the Collaborative Divorce Team
Divorce is one of the most stressful life events one can experience. On the Holmes-Rahe Stress Inventory, it ranks above going to jail, and is second only to the death of a spouse.
Divorce is one of the most stressful life events one can experience. On the Holmes-Rahe Stress Inventory, it ranks above going to jail, and is second only to the death of a spouse. When children are involved, parents’ emotions are especially high, as they contemplate the impact of the divorce on their relationships with their children, and ways to maximize the children’s emotional health and physical wellbeing. In the context of all that stress, it helps to have someone neutral assist you in thoughtful decision-making on behalf of your children.
The collaborative approach to divorce has many benefits; chief among them is the opportunity to work with an expert who supports both the parents and children – the Child Specialist. A child specialist is a licensed clinician who works with the parents and team to bring the children’s voices and needs to the divorce process. There are obvious good reasons for that, but here are 3 to think about:
You are the expert on your children. Sharing what you know about them with a professional who has deep and scientifically-based expertise in the experiences of children of different ages, temperaments, and special needs in the context of divorce will allow you to avoid a cookie cutter parenting plan. Instead, you will get feedback that allows for the crafting of a plan for co-parenting that meets the best interests of your unique family.
Children often have many unspoken thoughts and fears about the divorce process. No matter what their ages and how close they are to their parents, they often don’t want to make anyone more sad or angry, or cause problems that could make things worse. The child specialist does not provide therapy, but an opportunity for children to give voice to their emotions (and often misunderstandings) which can be shared with the parents in a careful way. Children feel heard, and parents have the opportunity address issues early and effectively.
A child specialist remains available to support the family with coaching after the divorce is final, as you continue to navigate the realities of the new way in which your family works.
You would go to a heart specialist for your heart, and an orthopedist for your bones. The collaborative model allows you to apply the same logic to your divorce, utilizing the unique expertise of team members to design an agreement that lets you to move forward in confidence and strength.
Dr. Susan Campbell is a licensed clinical psychologist and consultant with expertise in attachment, divorce, trauma, anxiety, and learning differences, with over 25 years of professional experience helping children, adults and families live well.
The Role of a Collaborative Attorney
When you think of a divorce attorney, a scary image may come to mind – an image of someone who is gruff, competitive, uncompromising, and ready to fight out every issue in a courtroom.
When you think of a divorce attorney, a scary image may come to mind – an image of someone who is gruff, competitive, uncompromising, and ready to fight out every issue in a courtroom. While this may be a true depiction of some divorce attorneys, it is not representative of them all. In fact, a Collaborative Divorce Attorney is a divorce attorney who, while always zealously advocating for you, the client, sees the divorce as a problem to be solved instead of a competition between you and your spouse to be fought tooth and nail.
A Collaborative Divorce Attorney is equipped with training and experience in certain negotiation techniques designed to facilitate a mutually acceptable and durable agreement between you and your spouse resolving all issues related to divorce. Unlike other divorce attorneys, the Collaborative Divorce Attorney is limited in their representation in that he or she will not represent you in any contested litigation proceeding. This allows both you and your Collaborative Divorce Attorney to focus on achieving a lasting resolution to issues stemming from the divorce without the threat of potential court action.
Your Collaborative Divorce Attorney will ensure you enter the Collaborative Process with informed consent after considering the risks and benefits of the process. Your attorney will maintain attorney-client privilege with you throughout the process while educating you about the law, your finances, and the facts necessary to make informed decisions to resolve all issues. Your attorney will listen to your needs, goals, and interests and ensure your voice is heard throughout the process. Your attorney will communicate with the other professionals to maintain the process and work to problem-solve as a team. Most importantly, your attorney will advocate for you and assist you in resolving all issues in a way that best meets your long-term goals and that of your family.
If you are contemplating the Collaborative Divorce process and want to learn more or meet with a Collaborative Divorce Attorney, check out www.charlottecollaborativedivorce.org for more information.
Jennifer P. Moore is a Senior Associate Attorney with Marcellino & Tyson, PLLC whose family history instilled in her a compassion for her clients and desire to assist them in their time of need with the goal of becoming stronger and happier after divorce. Yourncattorney.com.
Settling Anxiety and Fear
Anxiety and fear are the most common emotions experienced during the process of a divorce. Often these emotions are expressed as anger, or a feeling of helplessness, or overwhelm.
How does a collaborative divorce coach settle anxiety and fear as you go through your divorce?
Anxiety and fear are the most common emotions experienced during the process of a divorce. Often these emotions are expressed as anger, or a feeling of helplessness, or overwhelm. Somatic experiencing is the easiest way to settle some of these feelings through the use of settling techniques that often help guide you through the current transition. The focus is on looking forward into the future when your life will be more settled.
Rebuilding your life, and maintaining your integrity, respect and family unit throughout a divorce are key to a smooth transition. A collaborative divorce coach focuses on couples maintaining an amicable relationship that focuses on their children as most important through this difficult time. Settling anxieties and fear are vital to creating a new life for yourself and your family.
Ann Kreindler-Siegel, LCSW, MSW, MAEd, SEP, BCC is a somatic experiencing psychotherapist & board certified coach who specializes in collaborative divorce coaching. She has been practicing in the profession of psychotherapy for over 25 years and has increased her practice to provide divorce coaching to couples to support them through this transition in their lives and families.
The Magic of the Collaborative Divorce Process- Why Should Court Be off the Table?
Remember the game of tug of war? We muster all the strength to pull in opposite directions, everybody gets muddy and we all fall down. It’s a game of strength, not endurance.
Remember the game of tug of war? We muster all the strength to pull in opposite directions, everybody gets muddy and we all fall down. It’s a game of strength, not endurance.
The magic of the collaborative divorce process is that when lawyers and their clients all pull together in the same direction, they build the endurance to collectively work through issues to solve conflicts.
By taking the fallback option of court off the table, any resolution becomes the responsibility of the collaborative team. No judge is waiting to declare a winner or loser. Rather, the outcome is solely up to the collaborative team.
When each person realizes that solving the conflict is the responsibility of the collaborative team, that’s when the magic happens. Through voluntary disclosure, 4-way meetings and discussion of the parties’ needs and priorities, the collaborative team can find lasting solutions to the most challenging issues in divorce.
Irene King is the Founder of King Collaborative Family Law in Charlotte, NC, where she practices exclusively collaborative family law and serves as a certified mediator of family conflict. She is committed to guiding clients in resolving their conflicts and rebuilding for the future with integrity and dignity.
Why Choose the Collaborative Divorce Process?
When court proceedings and the threat of court are removed from the settlement process, the creativity, range and durability of settlement options greatly expands. Most attorneys
When court proceedings and the threat of court are removed from the settlement process, the creativity, range and durability of settlement options greatly expands. Most attorneys have had the experience of settling cases on the courtroom steps, or even after a trial has started. By the time cases settle in this conventional context, however, a great deal of money has been spent, emotions have been exhausted, tensions have seethed and caused damaging conflict.
The collaborative divorce process offers a different approach from cases that settle in conventional settlement negotiations because there’s no court date pressure, threat of what a judge will do, or anxiety about having to make a quick decision that may very well, and likely will result in buyer’s or seller’s remorse.
Especially where children are involved, the goal of the collaborative process is to enable couples to reframe their relationship in a way that allows them to create their own satisfying resolution of their conflict. They may have failed at their marriage, but the collaborative process gives them the opportunity to find a solution for their divorce.
Irene King is the Founder of King Collaborative Family Law in Charlotte, NC, where she practices exclusively collaborative family law and serves as a certified mediator of family conflict. She is committed to guiding clients in resolving their conflicts and rebuilding for the future with integrity and dignity.
Getting Started in the Collaborative Divorce Process
Collaborative Divorce takes threats, hide-the ball tactics and court room battles off the table. It gives divorcing couples the choice to participate in a private, confidential process geared
Collaborative Divorce takes threats, hide-the ball tactics and court room battles off the table. It gives divorcing couples the choice to participate in a private, confidential process geared towards collective problem-solving. In a collaborative divorce, a team of professionals guides the couple through the emotional, legal and financial challenges facing them at the end of their marriage.
The process begins with each spouse consulting with and retaining his or her independent collaboratively trained attorney. The attorneys then confer about whether or not it is necessary to assemble an interdisciplinary team of professionals, including a divorce coach, child specialist, and/or financial neutral.
At the first meeting between collaborative attorneys and clients, everyone signs a Participation Agreement where they commit to negotiate respectfully, honestly, to voluntarily exchange documents and all material information and work together to find solutions to the legitimate needs of both parties, and, most importantly, their children.
The Collaborative Law process terminates if court action becomes and both attorneys are disqualified from any further involvement in the case.
There is a lot more to the process, so if the first steps above sound like the kind of divorce you wish to have, contact a collaboratively trained attorney to schedule a consultation.
Irene King is the Founder of King Collaborative Family Law in Charlotte, NC, where she practices exclusively collaborative family law and serves as a certified mediator of family conflict. She is committed to guiding clients in resolving their conflicts and rebuilding for the future with integrity and dignity.
The Collaborative Divorce Process is worth considering if some or all of these are true for you:
You want a respectful resolution of the issues that have led to the end of your marriage.
You want a respectful resolution of the issues that have led to the end of your marriage.
You have children and you desire to have the best co-parenting relationship possible.
You value self-determination and do not want to hand over responsibility of critical decisions related to your financial affairs and future parenting of your children over to a stranger (i.e., a judge in a courtroom setting).
You want to protect your children from the scorch-the-earth tactics associated with litigation.
You believe personal responsibility is important for handling conflicts.
You do not want the details of your divorce in the public record.
You recognize that the range of options generally available in court are limited and you want an individualized approach to finding creative, cost-efficient solutions for your particular situation.
You value taking an active role in restructuring your family rather than rehashing hurts from the past.
You understand that the other person has needs and priorities that need to be met and you desire to find a way to minimize the uncertainty associated with meeting your and the other person’s needs and priorities.
You value the importance of maintaining a positive relationship with the other person in the future over maximizing the amount of money and property you get for yourself during the divorce.
Irene King is the Founder of King Collaborative Family Law in Charlotte, NC, where she practices exclusively collaborative family law and serves as a certified mediator of family conflict. She is committed to guiding clients in resolving their conflicts and rebuilding for the future with integrity and dignity.